Monday, March 17, 2014

Side Effects

It's failing me
Falling
I'm drinking
Drowning
Believing in nothing
Help
Help me
Nothing matters and I'm
Falling asleep
Weeping inside
It doesn't work
Was it all a lie?
I'm taking the pills
But it's eating me alive
And I can't seem to stop
The voice inside
"You're better off dead"
But I don't want to die

Sunday, March 09, 2014

Soberless Sonnet

I reach for bottle and turn the key,
Pour the wine and take a seat,
Between sips of darkness I close my eyes
And slip away into the night.

I've taken nothing into this hell
And know I will gain nothing still
Yet every night I reach again
For bottle that has become friend.

No question solved, no door unlocked,
Embarrassed now, too much to talk,
But I sip away on bitter brew
As though it will make my dreams come true.

Each night is lost to drunken dawn;
Why should I bother going on?

Saturday, March 08, 2014

Medication

Falling below waves made of
Cotton and grey
Keeping me warm and keeping me safe.
I know it's the pills but I don't want to care
I just want them to take me there.

Falling below waves made of
Darkness and tears
Pulling me under and building my fears.
I know it's the pills but I can't fight it down
I understand that without them I'll slowly drown.

Falling below waves made of
Nothing and guilt
Knowing these aren't things I can actually feel.
My mind is panicking and making it up
I'm a psychosomatic bitch just full of fuck.

Thursday, March 06, 2014

Doubt

Keep wishing with hands held high
Sending pleas and prayers into the sky
Hoping against hope that the end will come
But watching the light of the rising sun.

Secrets, secrets, a thousand silent dreams
Wash me with blood between my screams
Awaken the demon, awaken the voice
Open the door and leave me no choice

And I will always walk unseen
Between rock wall and evergreen
Seeking the place that I used to know
The origin I left long ago.

My tongue is dry and I can't speak
Do I ask for help and admit I'm weak?
Do I repress the dark and wither away?
I want to die, but should I say?

Fractal decisions based on truth and hope
Believing that the taste won't make me choke
I want to get better and move forward again
But the little voice says, "You're better off dead."

Monday, March 03, 2014

Therapy

An existence left fumbling,
Inexcusable,
Some cold winds blow, darling.
I see the ocean left cold
Under moonlight skies-
Moonlit symphonies
Turning pages meant to never open.
I have awoken the leviathan
Craving,
Metallic masterpieces held in shaking hands
To await one final
Cry.
I have denied the end,
Erased my last line written in my own hand,
Turned my face from the answer I sought,
Picked up some pieces,
Wiped up the blood.
Tell me it's going to be okay
That this is the way home
To a place where I can finally breathe
And the demons,
The darkness,
The chains,
The venom,
The shattered glass
Finally let go of me.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Kyrielle Orison

With metal held to shaking wrist
I curse the reason I exist
And let the blade come sweeping down;
This is the answer I have found.

Mid dusk and dawn come restless fits
When pain like lead within me sits
And my blood puddles on the ground;
This is the answer I have found.

I whisper words I've heard before
To lend my blade a fiercer force.
I feel my head, my heart begin to pound;
This is the answer I have found.

When I'm gone don't mourn, don't weep,
I've finally found eternal peace.
This mortal coil no more go round;
This is the answer I have found.

Sunday, December 01, 2013

Veritas

They will look at me and they will say,
"She is fallen."
And I will turn away saying,
"That is true."
Not saying:
"You all are the deluded dreamers
Moving through days of solid waste,
Nights of wicked silence,
And years of solid, silent suffering.
I have fallen because I have seen,
And continue to see,
And can never stop seeing,
The mechanism of the world."

They will look at me and they will say,
"She has fallen forever."
And I will turn away saying,
"That is true."
 
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