Ten Fading Fires

I.
So tell me who I should be,
Since everyone seems to know
Except me.
Give me something static to grasp
Between shaking hands
While I walk up and down your burning streets,
The filthy gutter water on my feet,
And your sweet homes now ashes in my throat.

II.
Tell me, what lie will sustain you at the end
When, born in darkness,
Another echo emerges from the gaping wound
Like a hydra with a fetish for flesh.

III.
Suddenly, it's just me again
As though it never ended.

IV.
If you never ask I will never tell,
And all those pesky secrets
Will never have to bother your vapid mind.

V.
Another cupcake for the heathen!

VI.
Until next time, you clueless whore,
Take me for granted once more,
Take me at face value and learn the truth.

VII.
Another scar for the dunce on the web!
Ladies and gentlemen,
He's down for the count!
Now watch as he gets his stupid ass
Counted out.

VIII.
You know who you are:
Take it from me,
You don't have what it takes
To take it from me.

IX.
Ice in my veins
Fire on my tongue

X.
I always have the final word.

Invidious

"Faceless fallacies,"
She said
With a heart full of
Spiderwebs.
"It's the cupboard in the attic
Beside the rotten bed."

Tomorrow is golden,
Painting pure:

"Such a mocking masquerade,"
Said the demon from the drawer.

Right and Left

IT'S NOT LOVE
I'M LOOKING FOR

Come to terms with a different sound
It's not
A violent gushing of blood
From a broken heart

It's not my missing part

I don't want flowers and wine and chocolate
Silken sheets and music

I'm not looking for a knight
A prince
A prophet

I just want someone a little more...

Dominant.

This Is Screaming

Static ringing
Say

Bells bells bells

I hear voices in my head
The sun rising
Rising

I've got a rhythm to meet

It's coming
A long time
A LONG TIME

She said

I almost don't want to hold it together anymore
Just start screaming
Until heaven

WHISPERS AWAY

Static building into a sweet
Lullaby
To fall to sleep to

And inside

INSIDE SHE SAID

Is where I can't hold on anymore
I don't want to have to deal with this
Except
EXCEPTION

I have to
Or I lose something

PRECIOUS

Sad Little Life

You've got the whole world,
Don't you,
In a pocket of your too-tight jeans.
One day you plucked it from space
And tucked it away,
Someplace where everyone would bend to you
With meekness on their face.
Such big blue eyes that you hide behind,
And I tell you now
They're full of pride,
Full of desperation, right?
To find someone who will love you
Regardless of yourself
In spite of yourself
Because of yourself.
And everyone you push away with the way you act
Is just another notch you'll remember
When you grow up
And look back, dreaming,
On something that could have been full,
But was empty.
You don't want pity or compassion
But you want us to respect you without emotion.
Vanity sealed upon your heart,
A desperation
A DESPERATION
Tearing the world apart.
You act like you've never had someone stand
Against your anger
Before your wrath,
And I'm here to tell you that I am
DIFFERENT
Because I won't let you make me crawl
Before someone who has the world enthralled.

Fourth Virtue

It's like saying the moon is purple,
A rich little lie
Whispered into the night.
Am I a hypocrite?
For wanting things to be alright,
For respecting life,
For protecting what's mine?
I depend on the safety
Of the societal norm
To keep me sheltered and
Keep me alone.

Why shouldn't we trust another's words?

If they say that they're good,
If they say that we should?
Society dictates we all have to lie
Just like the moon
Looking down from the sky.
And I guess when it comes to
Trusting someone new
I embrace the truth
That there is no truth
In someone who desperately wants
To know you.

Why shouldn't we trust another's words?

Because sometimes even if we could,
Even if everything seems as it should,
There's a feeling I get on the back of my
Tongue
And I've had it forever,
And I've had it so long,
That I trust what it says and I
Push them away,
Regardless of what pretty words they might say.
Because sometimes, as it turns out,
Society's not wrong
And sometimes, as it turns out,
The feeling's too strong.

I'm not giving in to a desperate plea
To stop defending myself
From people like me,
To just trust someone else
Without waiting it out,


Because sometimes people lie
And the moon is still white.

Deprivation

Petals, she says with a smile~

I am just a figment in a world
Undivided;
Unequipped to contain what should be free.
Since I am what everyone could be

Except...

Something in me is broken and
Fixing it?
Would mean facing a blinding light
In a sterile room.

"Recently that has seemed like the sane option,"
Says Lithium sweetly,
"Wouldn't it be nice?"
It would be, I can't deny

Except...

Who would I be when I came out?
"Who are you now?"
I am a patient blasphemy
In a world undivided
To hold people like me.

Petals, she says~
I've got to hold it together

Except...

I never sleep
And rock bottom always feels like this.


I'M NOT OKAY
But I don't know how to fix it.
I can't just LET GO

Petals~

I CAN'T LET GO AFTER ALL THIS
BECAUSE PRESSING ONE CIRCLE INTO MY THROAT
(means she'll choke)
Is admitting I am not good enough
Strong enough
Smart enough
Stable enough
To keep it together for the rest of them

PETALS, SHE SAYS~

Except...

I'm broken and I can't afford to haul my carcass
To the shop