Echoes

Echoes inside...
Burst of emotion countered
Emptiness in the dark
Secrets whisper to me
Nothing there to be felt
No lights or colours
Feel in darkness
Feel in nothing
Fall to the depths of eternity
Nothing to catch me
Or break my fall
But there is no ground coming
Shell holding a vacuum
Can't meet eyes; they might see
Fades into the backround
Misty darkness floats
Muffles all sound
(Not that there is sound)
...Echoes inside...

Tough

yeah, well, i didn't expect everyone to get it, but if it means something to me, then why not post it? (blondica? that could only be The Blonde One)

i have decided that life isn't worth dying over. yeah, sure, it'll get you down sometimes (like the bloody light above me that won't stop flickering...where did i put my sniper gun???) but that's not a reason to end it all. i want to live. i relized that just recently. for all the times i wanted to die, to make all the pain stop, it was just a desire to be alone, to make me think about what i really wanted. and i also found that i'm afraid to die. death is, to me, the lack of existence. but that's not right, it should only be the beginning, the ending of pain, yes, but the beginning of eternity for us.

yes, now everyone knows that i'm a Christian. and i'm not ashamed of that. not at all. i don't care if that makes you leave me alone, i'm used to that. and yes, even though i'm a Christain, i do get lonely. everyone becomes lonely at some point in their life. for friends, for someone who understands, for love. i don't know what i want out of life, but i want a friend. yeah, i know, a shock for those who know me. me? want to be with another human being? scary, what could have happened to make me like this? (gasps and cries in the backround)

yes, i'm more human than you might think. maybe. just a little. what exactly defines a human? i don't know. no one is exactly alike, so how do we know what the norm is for humans? and what do we do to define ourselves? i don't know. i really don't. maybe that is what life is for, to find out who we really are and become the most we can be(i know it sounds like those cheezy marine commercials, but hey, if it works, why not?) and i really want to know who i am. a lot. so i will carry on. and i will learn to be myself, no matter what.

just becuase life seems to be against you, does'nt mean you should give in, it just means that you are going in the right direction, and you must fight harder than you ever have before.

Thoughts: Relax

Relax
Breathe
Breathe again
Leave all this behind
Concentrate on nothing
In the midst of chaos
Be a shelter from the storm
Look around
But without eyes
Feel the emotion swirling
Faster, faster
Now distinguish:
Where is it speeding up?
Within the others?
OR
Within yourself
Embrace and banish
Remove all taints
Be open
Be free
Feel and realease all
But keep yourself hidden
There is no place for you here
Relax
Breathe
Breathe again...

Perfect

finally all the way back on and blogging. wonder if my friends will want to look...nah.

Of All The Days

why couldn't today have been no school? man, i hate school. i'm trying to fight the "kitty" but it's so hard. it's just so hard. i know how a drug addict feels on withdrawls now. it's so freakin hard!

Hello Again

This would be my third blog. not that anyone cares, but that's ok. i don't care either. anyway, it's good to be back. heh. kinda. but this time i'm better and it won't happen again like it did last time. ever.