Violent Passing

Out of my mouth spews the child of doubt
A bloody mass of myself
I perish
Tomorrow is my doorstep
I am the mat
Just becuase we rage doesn't mean you can kill us
Let us rage
The child stirs and looks at me through hollow eyes
Empty gaping maws
'I am your nightmares'
Out of my mouth spews my treason
My own golden treason
Bloody gashes on my arms
They aren't who I am anymore
Except when I dream
I DON'T DREAM
I dream of nothing
Out of my own mouth is death's caricature
I spew the poison on the ground
Guess tomorrow is just the same

No More Blood

I won't let you guide my hands
I won't let you guide the blade down again

I don't want to live like that
Just because you want me to
Doesn't mean I want it too

Just let me be
Even when I scream your name
Just go away
You can't save me

I don't want you to save me

I don't want to be saved
Not your way

I won't think about you anymore
Even when your name echoes in my head
I'd rather die

Don't try to save me

Let our memories fade away
Tomorrow is mine

You can stay in yesterday

Thinking of You

Against my better judgement

I find my thoughts on you

And when I guide them back to the present

My heart aches

A rap at the door

"Come in, do come in, it's so terribly cold today."

"Thankee, thankee kind miss, are your parents at home?"

"Why, no sir, they are out at market."

"What are they doing at the market, young miss?"

"Buying bread to lay on the table, sir."

"And who shall eat this bread?"

"Why, my parents and I, sir, for my brother is dead."

"Dead and gone, dead and gone, a pity."

"Pity, sir?"

"A pity you have no one here with you."

"Oh, I'm not alone sir, for I have a cat to keep me company."

"A cat is no companion for a little girl."

"But she is the witch's cat, sir."

"The witch's cat! Dear me, what does she say to you?"

"That you'd be coming today, sir."

"Really?"

"Yes, sir. That's why I have tea ready, sir. Just for you."

"How kind. But I must not stay long. Are you ready to be off?"

"Of course not, sir, my parents are expecting me to be here tonight."

"But they expect nothing, young miss."

"Then, sir, where are we to go?"

"To the mountains of darkness, and by all means, bring the cat."

"But she is not ready to go, sir."

"Then we shall travel alone on the road to Hell."

Burn My Heart to Ash

Just a million miles more to the moon
To the-
Ocean swells at my feet.
And hope is my pillow
While I sail into the sunrise
Into the-
Window that I stare out.
It's raining again...
Hope is my umbrella,
Spread itself over my head
But I look up
And it's a million miles more to the moon
To the-
Salty breeze that steals away my dreams
Under the cover of darkness.
Just remember to hope
With all that you have in your chest
There is so much-
So little time
To dream

My Cup is Empty

Lie against the night, against the trash I sleep in
Just one more drink and I'm gone
You don't give me a second thought
(Styrofoam dreams guide me to rest)
But when they lay me in the ground
I will not rot or crumble
And you'll hate me years from now
When, in all my glory, you'll dig me up and heave me to space
And I will not rot or crumble
A reminder of all your sins
And fights
And humanity
I am your nightmares
And I do not rot or crumble
(Styrofoam dreams to guide you home)

*\/*

Sometimes I wonder if I'm alone when I look at blood




And see roses in bloom

Happy Hallowe'en

Visit this site: The Daily Sporkful
It's all about reviews of music and movies and books by two girls with an interesting outlook. I recommend it for a few good laughs ^_^

H A T E M E

I held a handful of glass shards

I held a handful of thorns

I held a handful of my heart

And then I tore myself apart


Because when the sun comes up tomorrow
I no longer want to cry
Just breathe

Blow Me Down, Devil, Hell Has No Hope

So I stopped and walked to the edge of the world
And looked down
Forever was never going to be long enough
Exploring the way to Hell
I took my map from a pocket
I got it from the Moon and the Moon never lies
The last thing she told me:
Rage against the-
Desire to live and desire to lie
Rage against the-
Rage against the-
Don't speak to the demons
Until you reach the last level
Today is the day you enter the gates of Hell
The gates of Hell and Heaven's clouds
Dead are wrapped in burial shrouds
My tomb lies over the ocean until I can't sleep for the waves
To live forever is the cruelest fate
Tomorrow will never come unless you read the signs
Sometimes you have to pretend
Tell them you're not blind
I read my map and choose a path
And I wish I could say I know what I'm doing
(She's fading fast)
I wish I could say I ever know what I'm doing
(She'll never last)
I look to the Moon and she just sighs
(Angels face down in the water tonight)
Don't speak to the demons until you see their eyes
Wings brushing against your thighs
The children refuse to drink the blood
Tomorrow will never come
You can't wish this map away
You can't run far enough to fade
You can't scream loud enough to not know
You have to choose which way to go
I look to the Moon because she never lies
Rage against the-
Rage against the night

Blow Me Down, Devil

This town is so hick, they think java script is words written with coffee.



Sometimes the sky snows
Sometimes the rain falls
Sometimes the wind blows
Listen to the angels...


a verse from a song i'm working on

Thy Heart

I fell empty upon your doorstep
And touched my face to the ground
I begged thee for mercy and compassion
But was silenced...


...by your sword coming down

She Cried in the Dark

Then I died
With an organ playing at my side
Holding up the moon in shaking hands
I can’t tear myself from your cold embrace
What other place do I have?
Love is the cruelest mistress
And I fell for your brittle charms
As the organ plays at my side
Today is the day we die
Tomorrow was never promised to the damned
And you never want to hold my hand
Holding up the moon to watch it fall
Sometimes I think you love me
Sometimes I think I make-believe it all
There’s a million angels in heaven tonight
Despite the call of hell
And the bells
And the smell of sulphur burning my eyes
When will the organ stop
And let me rest in my demise?
Tomorrow was never promised to the condemned
When we hold up the moon to cover the stars
Emptiness claws at my consciousness
My broken little heart has never been more warm
And I thank you for the moon
And the stars
And the sky
Even though I think you lied
Just to watch me buried with an organ playing at my side

LET ME SLEEP

I just have to get my mind off the past
Off the present
Off the future
Then I'll be okay

When I don't think anymore

When I don't feel anymore


When I can't remember why I hated myself

Death is beautiful no matter how you dance

And dancing is graceless

I believe
I believe dancing is graceless
Faithless?

I'm faithless
Hopeless
Heartless
Without the shadow of the doubt
I am the darkness behind your eyes

All your naughty little lies
The knife in every back you stabbed
The voice that makes the demands

Blood is such a horrid colour

And dancing is graceless

Death is dancing in the moon
In the night
Under the sky
With a million outcast thoughts to haunt your eyes

When will my mind settle down and let me sleep?

I just want to be laid to rest

Get all these agonies off my chest
Stop pressing my heart to a dead line
I feel fine

I promise

v^v

If I killed myself tonight
Would you cry with eyes that hate the loss
Or with eyes that see they must
Mourn the passing of who I was
Would you remember me in joy or hate?
If I stained your carpet red and black
And promised to never come back
Would the tears be for me or you?
Would you be sad?
Would you be glad?
Is what we had over and gone
Am I blindly holding on
To something that doesn't exist anymore?
What do I have left but you
Is even that untrue?
Am I just a delusional little girl?
I doesn't matter if we don't last
It doesn't matter if you want to forget the past
I had something beautiful
And I can't mourn that
Unless you rip my heart away again
Again
Again
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang
But a shriek to the wind
Hoping I never come back again
I'll dream of you tonight
When I lie on your floor and pour out my soul
Just so you know
I always loved you

"This is what Death sounds like"

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
THIS IS THE WAY THE WORLD ENDS
Not with a bang but a whimper




~Stolen from Gizmachi and T.S. Eliot. In that order

And when I dream...

Will you follow me into the dark?

Pass by the evening

The stars have never been so brilliant

Nor your eyes so stark

A million miles to travel

With a lonely pack at my side

Taking my empty heart, I start

As the road unravels long and wide

The dawn whisks away the fleeting

Too long have I gone alone

If I promise to be quiet

Will you lead me home?

Somtimes my heart is heavy

And I see the scars and marks

I only have one question left:

Will you follow me into the dark?

Commemoration?

AND IN OUR ARROGANCE WE BURNED

PRETENDING WE WERE NOT BEING PUNISHED

LET US BURN

LET US FALL

UNTIL THE WHOLE WORLD IS LIT UP

WITH OUR VOICES

All gave some

Some gave all

Rain of Dirt

Dearly beloved,
We are gathered here today in memory of the dawn
And mourn the passing of the sun,
Notwithstanding the unforgiven tides of humanity
Lay him down among his sanity.
Necessarily with words and music raised
This road unpaved.

Now we lay us down to death
And pray all fear has from us fled.

Close the Bible, drop the rose,
Untitled harmonies in shades of gold,

Now we lay us-
Now we lay us-

Dearly beloved,
Rise with me to sing the songs
In melody slow and octaves strong.
Raise your hands and drop your eyes
To the grave, to the one inside.

Look up from hell and hold my hand
Take your blame and understand.

Close the Bible, grip the rose,
Hold it up, the bloom re-grows.

Dearly departed,
Now we’ve laid us down to death,
Hold my hand and hold your breath…

Goodbye, Fichewl

And with all the lights you shot into the dark
I never thought your soul would be so stark
I stand back against this cold wall
And watch your destruction, your downfall
With hands held to my chest
I wait and wait for your dying breath
All you wished on him I wish on you
Vengance is this bright hate I hold for you
Friends come and go, now you're gone too
I held such respect for the projection you showed me
But I find now you're just rotten underneath
I wish we could part with the broken sword of friends
But with what you said, I'm glad THIS is the way the world ends
Not with whispered words of peace and hope
But with your lies around your throat
I kneel against the wall and begin to pray
"Vengeance is mine; I will repay..."
Romans 12:19 gently cradles my bleeding soul
God has more wrath than what you know...

First Fatality, First Loss

The last few days have sucked. I was at my first fatality scene Saturday. Bad car wreck.



Now I find out


that Saturday




A friend of mine died in a wreck






RIP TJ Hughes. Fellow bandie. You're missed...

w00t!

I did it! I made a news blog!!!

^_^

Bemused Outrage

So...about Andrew Feldmar

His article

What happened

Outrage

And for those of you who don't want to read all that: Adrew Feldmar experimented with LSD and other substances in Canada 30 years ago, "I was 27 years old, thought of myself as a rational scientist, and had no experience with delirium, hallucination, or altered mind states. I was curious." (his article) Now, he's not allowed into the US of A anymore, even though he's passed across the border numerous times before. He worked in America and his children live there. To be allowed back into the states, he'd have to sign a waiver, which would cost a considerable amount ($3500) and make him say that he had been rehabilitated, even though he was never addicted in the first place, and it happened 3 decades ago. (to get the full feeling of rage, you'd have to read those articles)

I'm beginning to think about moving out of the country. This is deplorable! America is no longer the land of freedom it once was. I'm fairly ashamed to live here. Every day it just keeps getting worse, how America is slighting other countries and/or foreign citizens. Something has to break. America has gotten too powerful for her own good. She seems to stand for freedom and yet...there's so many ways that we feel just like prisoners.

Be careful what you say.
Be careful what you do.
Big Brother's watching you

Here's irony for you: the old George H W Bush basically admitted to using marijauna, and his son is rumoured to have used cocaine in conjunction with a drinking problem. Clinton is more than rumoured to have done many different drugs, although the testimonies are not as trustworthy as possible. But the point is, these men were presidents. The leaders of the country that is now turning away a man for using drugs three decades ago. What the hell?

Here's an article on another blog that I really like.
And one on yet another blog.

Yes, I'm late on this, but when it came to my attention finally, I couldn't help but post about it. I'm tempted to start an all news blog just for crap like this. It's great. Amazing. Damn. What the hell is wrong with America?

Why? Because I Can

Little boy blue
Come blow your horn
The sheep's in the meadow
The cow's in the corn
Now where is that boy
That looks after the sheep?
He's out picking flowers
With little Bo Peep

Little boy blue
He takes his axe
Raises it to give her
A couple whacks
Then he cries
As he sees his black sin
For tomorrow he'll be
In the loony bin

l e t i t b e d o n e

and don't you know

the darkness grows

tomorrow we'll fade

to re-enter our graves

whispering to the sun

LET IT BE DONE

v-*-v

I know what you're feeling
I always know what you're feeling


So why do you try to hide it from me




Don't you know









I have no soul?

Remember to Dream

What angels have fallen?

The stars in the sky
The boat on the sea
Just the clouds and me
Just the wind and sails
Legends and tales
Magic isn't real
So what is this I feel
In sparks and shocks and dark little dreams
What does it mean?
Magic isn't real
Magic doesn't feel
Magic doesn't make you want to scream
In pain
I know what you're thinking
I always know what you're thinking
You don't believe in magick
Faithless little heretic
Think about it
What is it you feel?
Is it your nerves of steel?
Or desire to kill
And slaughter?
You're Fate's daughter
What angels have fallen
To the song of your pipes
Your voice
It was never your choice
Reluctant Shadow
Open up and feel

Endless

Wax the sun, wax the moon
Green grasses do grow
A candle in my heart
A motion in the dark
On the table is a bottle
Green
Black
Empty
To everything but the stars
To the sky
What angels have died
Savouring the taste of vengance?

It's Official

i've found poetry that makes me sick to my stomach. i wonder if i ever used to write like that...gosh...i hope not...eww...

*massive shudders*

The faithless understand
We'll all be damned
We'll all be damned


i feel so damn blah lately


She cries herself to sleep
Telling herself 'Do not weep'
But she cannot stop the tears


i need a job. i need to look for a car. i need to look for an apartment. i need to backfile my taxes. i need to apply for college. i need to learn to move on, stop hanging onto my youth...just let go of it all. it's so hard to let go...it's so hard to move on...i just want to be comforted...i just wanted a family...

i feel so damn blah


stopped meeting my eyes in the mirror. my own eyes...kills me...

what does it matter, though.
never get better
never remember...

started feeling this way after i wrote all that...all that...all that...

i wish i could take it back...but it's written and saved and i can't let it go now...

I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER
my subconscience begs to differ

whatever


if i have to live with mystery
and memory

i can do it
i can make it
i can live

can't i?


honestly, i don't know

i'm so confused...

and i feel so damn blah!

i want to shake this off
and do what needs to be done
start learning how to live
start learning to have fun

i just wanted a family for a while...

I couldn't think of anything to say...

so here's a whole lot of silence

Satan's Brine

She opened the door
While every movement shot through her heart
And tried to remember
What she was hiding from




Butterflies and moonlight
And little girls lost in the dark

Bruise on the Wrist

Thus thy heart in silence, break
Embrace the tears we now forsake





One drop for lonliness

One drop for shame

One drop for the children

Writhing in pain





Tear out my tongue in mortal splendor
Embrace my tears that must end here





One drop for the broken

One drop for the dead

One drop for the voices

That live in my head





Silent witness to this ghastly crime
Embrace my tears in Satan's brine





One drop for the haunted

One drop for the damned

One drop for the shadows

Wandering this land





Thus thy heart in silence, break
Embrace the tears we now forsake...

Forbidden Fruit

Innocence is overrated

I'd rather know the darkness


Than face something I wasn't expecting






Why does everyone insist on purity?


I'd rather know

I'd rather expect it




I insist on knowledge



Wasn't that what the serpent said?







You'll know life and death









I want to know...

Crow

Heaven is a point at the bottom of the bottle
I blaze away the night's smoke
And pull open the door
Smooth my ruffled feathers
He's sitting at the bar in his arrogance
The Master of glass bottles and broken hearts
Deceptive solace
I clutch the smoke around me
It's a long flight and we must be off
Must be ready to shatter stars
A broken piano plays in the corner
My melody comes in broken bars
Like broken bottles
Shall we dance, m'lord?
My feathers caress his face
I'll smother his idle dreams of love
The angels he finds in heaven
Blue lips, red eyes
My feathers catch at his coat
And from his heart a pearl of light
Now begins the flight
I turn with his soul in my beak
My melody plays
I blaze away the night's smoke
And leave heaven in an upturned bottle









I joined the fire dept. here. It's awesome! We've had a lot of fires recently, too. 'Course, I can't do much yet cuz my training is a little less than zero lol. But! It's really neat. I've been to two trailer fires (yeah, house trailer), a factory alarm, and a car wreck. The wreck was the worst, they had to bring in a 'copter for one of the people. A pickup flipped over, quite a bit I guess, two people inside, crazy stuff. Crazy crazy...

Liquid Fluid Science Fish

Sometimes I lose my voice...

It's hard to regain something you've placed aside, taken for useless, discarded, ignored. It's hard to remember what fluid motion is when you've lived in an angular world for so long.



What was I saying again?

Sometimes I can't remember the way things should be. Almost like I lose my sanity. Briefly. However, it could be just that there's too much noise in my head...

(a - b)/(a + b) = tan [(A-B)/2] / tan [(A+B)/2]
cos(2x) = cos^{^2}(x) - sin^{^2}(x) = 2 cos^{^2}(x) - 1 = 1 - 2 sin^{^2}(x)
tanh(x) = sinh(x)/cosh(x) = ( e ^x - e ^-x )/( e ^x + e ^-x )
df / ds = df / dx * dx / Ds + df / dy * dy / Ds

What was I saying again?

It's the whispers, sometimes. I don't know...

Maybe it's just me. I can get so distracted. So lost, confused, horrified.

Remember...it's got to be perfect. Perfect or wrong. Why does it ever have to be wrong? Why can't it just be? Why do I have to explain who I am, when obviously, obviously, I'm nothing to consider? I have nothing to explain. I have nothing to lay out for you. For anyone.

Don't judge me

What was I saying again?

There are children giggling outside. Except it's one in the morning. Who do I hear? Those little voices in my head, don't you know, she's crazy, crazy. Those little lies, they were so beautiful, now I've lost them all. What were the Trinity's names?

Rita

Kaida

Tammy

The whore, the murderess, la llorona. The voices I had in me the whole time. How do I say goodbye to the three voices in my head? How do I just walk away?

Can I walk away?

What was I saying again?

Maybe I never lost my voice, maybe I just haven't let it out enough.

That's probably what it is

Since this is really long

Sunset

Now comes the dark ages
All the world was on fire
We stand living in ashes
We stand remembering the passion
When the whole world
Was bright and burning
One million voices raised
To turn away the silence
The flames kept back the violence
Now where is the vengeance?
Comes the dark ages
All the world was on fire
Now we live in ashes

Self Portrait

Do you know her?
The pretty little girl
All laughter and curls
Sweet hazel eyes
(Dear childhood,
I'm writing to say goodbye)
Do you see her?
In her Sunday dress
Playing in the dirt
Such a mess!
(I don't want to see you
When I close my eyes)
She's the quietest one
Always reading some book
She's hooked
To the words and sounds
(I can't visit you
Anymore)
She's the little angel
Playing with toys
So very quiet
She doesn't make a noise
(You remind me too much
Of all I abhor)
She's the sweetheart
Smiling in pictures
Now she's all in black
Hiding the punctures
(Goodbye forever)

Mother's Mayhem, in the Key of Demise

The last thing you ever do
And you make sure I hate you too

You smile that souless smile
The bitter one full of death and guile

I've hated you forever
And it's never gotten better

The way you treat me makes me pause
Watch my soul writhe caught in your jaws

I feel so lost...

The last thing you ever do
And you make sure I hate you too

Force me into a dead end hall
Got my back against a wall

RIGHT BEFORE THE FALL

I lash out around me
Take you all with me
Burn you all with me
Destroy you all with me

The last thing you ever do
And you make sure I hate you too

(ALL I EVER ASKED WAS COURTESY AND RESPECT
BUT YOU HAVEN'T FUCKING LEARNED THAT YET)

When I think about what you've done
It makes me want to run

Run away from your lying eyes
You're always the one I truly despised

Force me further, I dare you
Things'll happen that'll scare you

Senseless rage
You let it out of the cage

Rerun
Undone
Home run

Back to the way I shivered before
When hope was blocked by the demon's door

The last thing you ever do
And you make sure I hate you too

You tell me it's for my own good
Do you actually EXPECT my blood?

Every word you ever taunted me with
It's come down to this

The last thing you ever do
And you make sure I hate you too

She Forgot You Again. Told You So

Tragedy of integrety
Bitter eye to eye we stand
Immortal harmony
Faithless friends

It's getting under my skin

Where were you again?



I don't need you anymore

Yet she's the one to ignore you

Why should I have to comfort you
In silence hold my breath
I loved you to death
And where were you?

In her clutches the whole time

You were never mine


Why should I be there for you?

Why should she not care for you?

And why should I keep a candle
Lit for one no longer a friend?
Sometimes it's more than I can handle
I just want this to end

Accept

I can taste the ashes again
I remember what the ashes mean
They mean death
They mean blood
They mean pain
Shouldn't have left the dark haven
Shouldn't have given myself away
Shouldn't have thought i could live again
i am the fool
i am the sinner
i am the one who should pay
16 more scars to mark the day
How many times have i tried?
Too many
Too many to count
When i cry it makes no sound
i'll lay down on the ground
Wither back to dust
Broken hearts were meant to be lost
Little angel girl
i'll make sure your wings stay broken
i'll make sure there's no hoping
i'll make sure there's no love again
i'll be your only friend
Keep you down in the dark
Where you'll get to learn all the art
Shape the shadows
Mold the hate
Little angel girl
Accept your fate

No Where to Go

Every morning I wake up
Pull myself through another day
Despite what I keep telling myself
I know it's not okay

I look to the sky and wonder
About the life I want to live
It's so far like the stars
It's nothing like what I've been given

There's no where to go from here
No where to go
I keep living one day at a time
Living while dying inside
Cuz I have no where to go
From here

Secrets are the way of life
The way I spend my time
Before anyone knows I'll be gone
Wandering into the sun

Cuz there's no where to go from here
No where to go
I keep living one day at a time
Living while dying inside
Cuz I have no where to go
From here

I wake up every morning
Wishing I had a purpose
The way I look at people
Seems to make them nervous

They don't see many dreamers
In this small town that I'm from
But I am a new wave of man
That'll put them on the run

(I'll make my place
I'll make my place
Give myself some space
And behind my eyes
I'll wake up inside
I'll make my place
Somewhere to go
From here)

There's no where to go from here
No where to go
I keep living one day at a time
Living while dying inside
Cuz I have no where to go
From here

She Swallowed the Stars

When we danced in the moonlight
Against the clouded sky
Of midnight
The twilight and fireflies
Were we dreaming again?
Wind in the trees and flowers
In the breeze
Whatever we had was gone
Long before dawn
Long after the song stopped though
We still carried on

To dream again
In a reality of cherry blossoms
And apple blossoms
And pear blossoms
And bloody fingers tapping my face
To dream again
We'd have to recreate
The lost hours in the garden
Trying to find Adam

And Eve

Sometimes there's a voice in the sky
Reminding us why
We had to leave the desire
The destiny
The dancing
And the soft glow behind
But mostly we ignore it
Because it hurts too much to look back
Because it hurts too much to live

Are we really dreaming again?

Is anyone even awake?

Is this my dream?

Or am I part of yours...

Carry On

When you're gone I can still taste your kiss
Remember every moment of bliss
The way you held me so tight
When I broke down and cried

When you're gone I can still feel your touch
How you love me so much
In my heart I can feel it
This is real, so

When you're gone
Remember my love
Will carry on
Remember,
My love
It's not too long...
When you're gone
My love will carry on

When you're gone I remember our stupid fights
And how we made everything alright
The way we both hurt each other
But ended up more in love than before

When you're gone I remember our time together
How our hearts beat in time together
How we breathed in time together
How we moved in time together
Our amazing time together

And I remember
Your love will carry on

Remember,
My love
It's not too long
When you're gone
My love will carry on

When you're gone
My love will carry on

Ishmael Ax

Does it really matter? Poets and writers all have certain things that mean something to them that no one else can make sense of. I do. All the other dreamers i know do.

Lost in Darkness?

We mourn for the dead. We mourn for the living. Why can we not mourn for the one who deserves it most?

Celebrate the lives once lived. Remember in joy through a veil of tears. Remember...youth is not gauranteed, nor is old age. We are not told to expect life. We are granted a shot. Sometimes...we cannot make it...

Mourn the lost. The lost soul. The lost spirit. The lost talent. The lost years. The lost voice in the crowd that could stand out even if to only one person.

Hate me...

For I would rather give a thousand tears to the murderer, who will always be remembered with hatred and disgust, than one tear to the rich children, with happy lives, who have a thousand to mourn them.

Hate me...

Because I would rather go to the funeral of Cho Seung-Hui than I would the vigil of all 33 victims.

Hate me...

Because I look at the sun...and see only the possibility of moon, stars...

...and darkness...

The Darker Side: In Tribute to Virginia Tech

Silence is the blood in my veins
So many years of sorrow
Do we share the touch of history?
Do we share the rage of the downtrodden?
Rise my brothers!
Broken in the past of millions
Milleniums in minutes
The suffering, the sorrow
How do we begin to show you who we are?
And when we do part our lips in protest
Why do you deny us even that beautiful lie
Of mercy?

To those who have known the touch of pain and hate and rage...
To those who have known the desire for blood
For the death of those who torment you
For the destruction of all that's out of your grasp
For the injustice of everything
To those who had no other choice
Between being consumed inside
And lashing out

This is for you

Calamity of Touch

This burning fury
Your hand on my back.
Light, so light
I almost forget it's there,
Almost fall into a dream,
Until I open my eyes
And realize you're the dream.
Realize I imagined your touch
Because you're not next to me
Not anywhere near me.
You're far away.
And I wonder,
Do you ever feel my touch
When you're sleeping and wake suddenly?
Do you remember me against you,
How we took on one rhythm?
I wonder if you miss me
As much as I miss you.
Sometimes I hope you don't
Because it seems too much to bear...
But all the other times
I pray you do
Because
If you didn't
I would die
Remembering
Your
Touch...

Study of Dry Roses

Dried roses my heartache
Tender whispers of pain
And when I want to cry
I stand out in the rain
Mask the trace of my tears
That I'm sobbing in shame




But when I touch the petals
I fade to dust
And settle down
Between the mold and rust

One Flat

There was a scale on the page
One octave: C Major
Current mindset has it
She changed it to d minor
And went on her way

Secret # 492

There's a nail in the wall
Sometimes I wonder what the nail saw
What horrible words were spoken
What small light was broken
Who's spirit was destroyed
What he said to throw them in the void
Sometimes I wonder what the nail knows
Wonder if it feels the same pain that grows
Inside the people he likes to kill
Who pretend their hearts are Jesus filled
I wonder if the nail could speak
If it would scream and shriek
And demand justice for us all
For the dark angels lost in the fall
Sometimes I wonder if that nail can hear
Can take the secrets it has to bear
Or if it gave up it's metal ghost
And decided all of us are lost...

World Vision

In winter and death
Silver drops of moonlight
On her breath
Broken winged angels
Dressed in rags
And bags
And sacks with ash
They come from the past
They are the song
That haunts the night
But when they take flight
Into the sky
It's their eyes that shine
Like stars
Music in bars
My minor melody
Natural harmony
And the expected
Unrestricted and complicated
Snake skin traitor
Violet rage
They drop a page
From the symphony of death
But I can still smell the moonlight
On her breath
As she dances on the grave
Of her mother

Nursery Rhyme

Hunter of the hunters
Pacifist day dreamer
And wooden doll

Will you sing how the trees do fall?

Will you whisper into the wind...
And pray the darkness come back again?

And how you wish the day would dawn gold
The young would rule the heavens
And the heaves would rule the old

The rain comes...
The rain comes
The rain comes...
The rain comes?

Where will you hide against the night
Where will you run against the eyes

Those wretched eyes
Those wretched eyes
Those wretched, wandering, roving eyes

Who will sing to the dawn?
Who will continue the song?
Who will pay the ultimate price...

We will rise!!!!

Have you checked the children?

*

Some like it hot
burning up burning fire burning fury fever heat fever pitch fever swell matches ashes we all fall down we all fall down we all...we all...and when we cry we scorch the ground...glory to the dead of fire and when we quest we search for power...
Some like it cold
freezing glance freezing touch freezing words icy roads icy minds icy heart snow fall snow ball we live in an igloo and turn to ice all that we know all that we know and we all fall down we all fall down like snow flakes to the ground we drift and scream and turn to ice turn to dead like logs like wood like men
Some like it dark
the sky went black from day to night and we all die inside we all fall down we all fall down and the sky is dark as hell as hell is red so is the heart of man and we all fall down worship and glory to the dead of sound amazing voices and lessons learned by the wind we'll take them back again take them back and teach them to sing sing sing we all fall down and with us the sound of a million voices melodyless and poor like the tramp at the door selling his soulless lies behind tired eyes we are the voices in your head make you wish make you wish you were dead
Some want your soul...

Would That the Trees Break

Would voice the way it falls
Broken wings and hollow eyes
Would tell the story
Would sing the song
But find it's been voiced all along
In four parts
A harmonious discord of damnation
Would present the lights
Would light the dawn
And draw the feathers from the ground
Glory-
Glory to the dead of sound-
And when-
And when we cry we scorch the ground-
Would repeat the rhymes
And hold the own
Would change the way it falls
But blood is rain
And rain is pure
Would light the darkend halls
Softly agonized and with great rebellion
Here is she...your last hellion
She'll be the one
She'll taste the blood
She'll lead the damned
She'll kill the dead
And bring the voices in your head
Would we were the dead of fire
And quest-
And quest for power-
Here is she, your own design
A bright red mark
Across a black line

Voiceless RAGE

If I have the courtesy to take all your pain
Shouldn't you at least give me your time?
If I have the courtesy to take all the blame
Shouldn't you at least FUCKING STAY AWAKE
I'll take it all away
I'll take it all away
Until my very self fades
Ethereal angel of mercy
And death
I'm the heartless beating in your chest
The rope that shreds
The hope that dies
The shadow of darkness in your eyes
I'll take it all away
I'll take it all away
And you know, you know, you know
That underneath this faded mask
I hold in rage from the past
Provoke me
Choke me
And I...
I'll take your pain
My courtesy runs short
My loyalty runs short
My honour fades to dust
And this sharpened blade begins to rust
All I ever asked was courtesy and respect
But YOU HAVEN'T FUCKING LEARNED THAT YET

Pathetic Empathic

Ransom your soul
Your gift and your curse
Violent eyes
Violent lies
Hang your head in shame or pain
Regardless
Those haunting eyes
Staticy, panicky voices in your head
(Make you wish
Make you wish you were dead)
A little more mercy
Oh, wandering voices
Tempest
Storm of eyes and blood
Raining down
Loser, lost in static
Pay attention!
There are voices afoot
Stalking
Gaurd your heart:

Here comes the last line

Was it lost again?
Do you...
Do you promise?
(Cross my heart
Hope to live forever)
Your little liar
Your little whore
Babylon could learn at my feet
Listen
Forgiven?
Don't forgive the damned
They only rise up again
Rebellion
Whispering wind
(Help me)
I'm the darkness in your soul
I'm the burnt edge on your toast
The bitter tang in your tea
The cloud above the sea...
Faithless?
I believe
I believe dancing is graceless
And when I fall
When the rocks on my back
Finally pull me down again
I'll prove you all wrong
Raging
Where is the window?
Violent eyes, lies, cries, nights
Wrong choice
Wicked children
When I grow up
I'll rule the world by fire
Because I will not be ignored
And ashes teach so many more lessons
Than bitter suffering

Disengage

Goodbye to yesterday
Goodbye to memories
Goodbye to the last chance
I had

So thoughtlessly run away
Tomorrow made me change
It was choices left to me
And all that I could see
The way you used me
(No more abuse)
The way I caved in
(No more excuse)
Only one thing left
One thing left to say

Goodbye to yesterday
Goodbye to memories
Goodbye to the last chance
I had

To leave this place
The pain and the disgrace
I just had to walk away
From all our yesterdays
And now I can't regret
(Some things were not so bad)
Cuz it's not finished yet
(I can't regret, regret)
My last words to you

Goodbye to yesterday
Goodbye to memories
Goodbye to the last chance
I had

To run away
(Make sure my soul was saved)
I had to turn my face
(And leave without disgrace)
I had to give it up
(Turn and run)
Before I fell
(Back to the dark)
Back into the nightmare
(No more abuse)
This time I WIL NOT LOSE

Goodbye to yesterday
Goodbye to the memories
Goodbye to the last chance

Sunday Sermon

Lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from Hell
Rest our souls in darkness
Darkness?
Silent witness, let us pray
Bow, bow, bow your head
Before the guillotine
And pray, and pray
Lead us not into temptation
But deliver us
Deliver us
Deliver us from those watchful eyes
Oh, deliver us
Pray, for tomorrow dawns dead
And we, the silent, arise
Is this a dream?
To interpret as we might?
Merely the sickened delusions of society
So pray, pray, pray
Like never before
And hope to heaven that tomorrow
Will dawn breathing
And whispering
Whispering:
Lead us not into temptation
But deliver us...

It Kills Us...

K-k-kill the children
Leave them out in the snow
Lock the doors
Bar the windows
Watch them all go

Sh-sh-shiver the shutters
The wind doth shake
The house
The rafters
Watch what they take

La-la-lie to the Master
When he asks what you've done
They're dead
They're gone
They'll come back with the sun...

Stop

Look

Faithless?
Heretic
Solemn?
Heretic
Driven?
Heretic
Souless?
Heretic
BLOODY HERETIC!

Wait, just kidding

Last Memorial

She was in me
Holding me back
Pushing me down
Til I saw black
I was calling and stalling
Weeping into the wind
Crying for help
To get her out again
She was in me
Wanting my life
Screaming not to remember
Dying to live

RIP Jennifer Stowers
please...

Interrogation of the Fish's Interlude in G Major

Riptide, here is the sun...
Liquid nitrogen to drink us to sleep
Oh, drink us to sleep
Fall to the waves and the deep...deep...deep...
Repeat
Refrain
Refrain from the voices in your brain
Brain or mind
Rather, is this the time?
Time to live
Or time to die
Die or dye or die this suicide
In shades
Shades of deadly, deadly might
Might, bright, light, sight...
Night
Here, good knight, and take your sword
From the stone you stand
To hold this hand
Hand to me
To me
Me
I
Will
Dream
Until the moon stops shining...

Hearfelt Suicide

Listen...no, don't listen. I have nothing worth saying. Mock me as you wish. All I have is this lingering darkness. Linger...bad taste in my mouth...like blood and yet...there's something else.

Star light
Star bright
Give me the chance
To speak tonight

Wish I may
Wish I might
Take this darkness
And die inside

What do I have to offer you? I have my past, I lay that at your feet, to trample, to kick, to kill. I'll always play the fool, here with this loyalty I offer. Always play the one to fall, take the blame, I'll take your darkness away with my heart. It's what I do. Don't stop me from living this life in death. In death...in death...in death...

Slasher
Gasher
Bleeding red to black to red
Purest
Surest
One more and you're dead

Echo, me, I stand, I fall, I stand, I fall. I fall to earth and lose my wings. Was I an angel? Of darkness....of darkness....of light of hope and pain and darkness. I fall to earth and lose my wings. I fall to earth and lose my wings. I fall to earth and hope to start anew

Death defying
Strive to die an unassisted suicide
Last chance
Last chance to fall to hell
Hold my hand
And hold my hand
And hold my head to yours
And give me one kiss
Before the dark creeps in

May the Moon Stop Shining...

Return Return Return

*click*

Just got back from the Fiesta Bowl this morning. Slept all day (gosh damn 26 hours on a bus). Long story short, I didn't have to kill anyone. Just maim (I kid, I kid). It was fun. We placed 11th out of 12. Ok, so we sucked it up, but we were the only invited band from the state. Gosh. Got to see the Grand Canyon and all that jazz.

With all the voices raging, past the door, come, follow us down

Spent all our waking moments doing stuff. Swimming, practice, party, seminar, going some random place to eat. Got to see the Organ Stop. Simply amazing. Although now I'm completely sick of everyone in band. Wish they'd all just die...should say jk here, but I'm not really.

Take us at our word, follow, with all the voices in your ear, straight to the darkness

I played with something that I should never have touched...when will I learn to leave the spirit world to its own devices...here I am, shaken, unsettled, unclean, trying to convince myself that I wasn't...wasn't...involved...

She said 'Don't make me remember' but what am I if not an echo chamber?

She looked me over, ran her/my hands across her/my legs, answered my phone. She said it wasn't a bad body. She said she could accept this. I sat to the side, frozen, stuck, wanting to be myself and yet stopped. She typed back a message. She saw his picture. She smiled.

I was crying inside, following the trail of oblivion, calling and stalling and weeping into the wind

She wanted to meet him. She looked through my memories. I'm unclean...I'm dirty...cast her away, I have the control...easier said than done. I cried inside...and choked. Who am I? I could remember...nothing that I had ever been through before.

"Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep"

The fire raged and the bodies...the screams...it hurt, I was dying...no...she was...what was I doing? I had no control...

It was complications from Zoloft. Suicide. She was tempted by the daemons in the bathroom. She took too many pills. Settled down with her wine. When she realized what was happening, she was angry. The daemon looked on. She died from an assisted suicide. Case Closed.

So why do I still feel unclean...?