Sunday, May 27, 2007

Liquid Fluid Science Fish

Sometimes I lose my voice...

It's hard to regain something you've placed aside, taken for useless, discarded, ignored. It's hard to remember what fluid motion is when you've lived in an angular world for so long.

triangle 2

What was I saying again?

Sometimes I can't remember the way things should be. Almost like I lose my sanity. Briefly. However, it could be just that there's too much noise in my head...

(a - b)/(a + b) = tan [(A-B)/2] / tan [(A+B)/2]
cos(2x) = cos^2(x) - sin^2(x) = 2 cos^2(x) - 1 = 1 - 2 sin^2(x)
tanh(x) = sinh(x)/cosh(x) = ( e x - e -x )/( e x + e -x )
df / ds = df / dx * dx / Ds + df / dy * dy / Ds

What was I saying again?

It's the whispers, sometimes. I don't know...

Maybe it's just me. I can get so distracted. So lost, confused, horrified.

Remember...it's got to be perfect. Perfect or wrong. Why does it ever have to be wrong? Why can't it just be? Why do I have to explain who I am, when obviously, obviously, I'm nothing to consider? I have nothing to explain. I have nothing to lay out for you. For anyone.

Don't judge me

What was I saying again?

There are children giggling outside. Except it's one in the morning. Who do I hear? Those little voices in my head, don't you know, she's crazy, crazy. Those little lies, they were so beautiful, now I've lost them all. What were the Trinity's names?

Rita

Kaida

Tammy

The whore, the murderess, la llorona. The voices I had in me the whole time. How do I say goodbye to the three voices in my head? How do I just walk away?

Can I walk away?

What was I saying again?

Maybe I never lost my voice, maybe I just haven't let it out enough.

That's probably what it is

Since this is really long

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Sunset

Now comes the dark ages
All the world was on fire
We stand living in ashes
We stand remembering the passion
When the whole world
Was bright and burning
One million voices raised
To turn away the silence
The flames kept back the violence
Now where is the vengeance?
Comes the dark ages
All the world was on fire
Now we live in ashes

Monday, May 14, 2007

Self Portrait

Do you know her?
The pretty little girl
All laughter and curls
Sweet hazel eyes
(Dear childhood,
I'm writing to say goodbye)
Do you see her?
In her Sunday dress
Playing in the dirt
Such a mess!
(I don't want to see you
When I close my eyes)
She's the quietest one
Always reading some book
She's hooked
To the words and sounds
(I can't visit you
Anymore)
She's the little angel
Playing with toys
So very quiet
She doesn't make a noise
(You remind me too much
Of all I abhor)
She's the sweetheart
Smiling in pictures
Now she's all in black
Hiding the punctures
(Goodbye forever)

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Mother's Mayhem, in the Key of Demise

The last thing you ever do
And you make sure I hate you too

You smile that souless smile
The bitter one full of death and guile

I've hated you forever
And it's never gotten better

The way you treat me makes me pause
Watch my soul writhe caught in your jaws

I feel so lost...

The last thing you ever do
And you make sure I hate you too

Force me into a dead end hall
Got my back against a wall

RIGHT BEFORE THE FALL

I lash out around me
Take you all with me
Burn you all with me
Destroy you all with me

The last thing you ever do
And you make sure I hate you too

(ALL I EVER ASKED WAS COURTESY AND RESPECT
BUT YOU HAVEN'T FUCKING LEARNED THAT YET)

When I think about what you've done
It makes me want to run

Run away from your lying eyes
You're always the one I truly despised

Force me further, I dare you
Things'll happen that'll scare you

Senseless rage
You let it out of the cage

Rerun
Undone
Home run

Back to the way I shivered before
When hope was blocked by the demon's door

The last thing you ever do
And you make sure I hate you too

You tell me it's for my own good
Do you actually EXPECT my blood?

Every word you ever taunted me with
It's come down to this

The last thing you ever do
And you make sure I hate you too

She Forgot You Again. Told You So

Tragedy of integrety
Bitter eye to eye we stand
Immortal harmony
Faithless friends

It's getting under my skin

Where were you again?



I don't need you anymore

Yet she's the one to ignore you

Why should I have to comfort you
In silence hold my breath
I loved you to death
And where were you?

In her clutches the whole time

You were never mine


Why should I be there for you?

Why should she not care for you?

And why should I keep a candle
Lit for one no longer a friend?
Sometimes it's more than I can handle
I just want this to end

Monday, May 07, 2007

Accept

I can taste the ashes again
I remember what the ashes mean
They mean death
They mean blood
They mean pain
Shouldn't have left the dark haven
Shouldn't have given myself away
Shouldn't have thought i could live again
i am the fool
i am the sinner
i am the one who should pay
16 more scars to mark the day
How many times have i tried?
Too many
Too many to count
When i cry it makes no sound
i'll lay down on the ground
Wither back to dust
Broken hearts were meant to be lost
Little angel girl
i'll make sure your wings stay broken
i'll make sure there's no hoping
i'll make sure there's no love again
i'll be your only friend
Keep you down in the dark
Where you'll get to learn all the art
Shape the shadows
Mold the hate
Little angel girl
Accept your fate

Thursday, May 03, 2007

No Where to Go

Every morning I wake up
Pull myself through another day
Despite what I keep telling myself
I know it's not okay

I look to the sky and wonder
About the life I want to live
It's so far like the stars
It's nothing like what I've been given

There's no where to go from here
No where to go
I keep living one day at a time
Living while dying inside
Cuz I have no where to go
From here

Secrets are the way of life
The way I spend my time
Before anyone knows I'll be gone
Wandering into the sun

Cuz there's no where to go from here
No where to go
I keep living one day at a time
Living while dying inside
Cuz I have no where to go
From here

I wake up every morning
Wishing I had a purpose
The way I look at people
Seems to make them nervous

They don't see many dreamers
In this small town that I'm from
But I am a new wave of man
That'll put them on the run

(I'll make my place
I'll make my place
Give myself some space
And behind my eyes
I'll wake up inside
I'll make my place
Somewhere to go
From here)

There's no where to go from here
No where to go
I keep living one day at a time
Living while dying inside
Cuz I have no where to go
From here
 
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