Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Hallowe'en and shit

I.
You build the walls,
You watch them fall.
Such is life,
After all.

II.
You have to know
I'm proud to be owned.
You're just jealous
Because you're all alone.

III.
Little one, dry your eyes,
Hush, please don't cry.
I gave up so much for you,
Now you make my worst fears come true.
Thanks for re-breaking my heart,
I'm going to end this before it starts.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Rationality of Pain

I'm sitting here crying, not just for me
Should never have admitted that I'm weak
Humanity is something I should shun
I've let my heart come undone...

I can't begin to express the sorrow in my heart
I know I've hurt you and it tears me apart.
Believe me, I never meant for it to happen
I admitted something that shouldn't have been...

I guess I get what I deserve in the end
And maybe, after it all, we'll still be friends,
I keep wanting to apologize, to make you understand,
But I don't have control over my shaking hands

I know how I made you feel
I know that you're the one who's real
And here I am, too frightened to make a sound
Because I'm curled in a corner on the ground

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Defined Define Defining

Inkblot butterflies
I will tell you all the lies
Truth fleeing from my veins
What do the doctors know?
Behind their secret doors with dolls that have secret parts
Things that make children weep,
Cold tables on which you sleep
Paper gowns that never cover, only show.
Down which hallway will you go?
Eyes watching from every fucking window
I know them, I know them all
It's almost like they're laughing, wanting me to fall
So there can be pills and pain and blood
Swirling down the drain.
I won't cave to the pressure
And you don't own this girl anymore
I'm not your fucking whore, you don't have the right
I'm not going to fight
Doctors are nothing in matters of the soul
I have the control

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Silent Secret Tears

Please don't let me go!
i promise
With all my heart
By the moon and stars
Not to let You down,
Keep going steady to the future,
i won't let anything slip.
You won't come between me
And anything.
School takes no thought at all.
Please, please keep me
(my infatuation shines
i only think about You all the time)
Promise, promise times a thousand
i'll make You proud
i'll make You so proud
Please keep me...
All i want is your approval,
To feel the black band,
Your black band,
Around my neck.
And i'll do anything to keep it:
i promise to do my best,
Please don't let me go...

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Why, yes, that IS Peter Gabriel

You ask me what i'm afraid of
And i say that i don't know.

i stutter and blush and refuse to meet Your eyes
(Disobedient slut)
But You, You are never surprised.
And all my feeble tricks are to no avail,
You see right through them, behind them,
Leaving me trembling and pale

What am i so frightened of, what leaves me in tears,
Is it the first time? Is it who You are?
No, instead, i find that qualities i felt were good
Were passed over, abused, mislabeled before.

It isn't Your fault i can't seem to behave,
It isn't what You do, it isn't what You say,

i'm terrified of being something other than what You desire
And while i try to please You, i can't help but cringe inside,
Hoping You come back and play just one more, one last, time.

i accepted the gift in the ebony box,
(From the Priest, He's the doctor,
He can handle the shocks)
Clasped it on and stood my ground,
A light flush on my cheeks,
And the way You treated me
Made my knees go weak

If i could, i would kneel, beg You to keep me just a while longer,
i would do anything your darkest depraved dreams desired,
But here I am, so far away, and You will never know,
How hard i'm trying to stay the same, not let emotion show.

You ask me what i'm afraid of,
And i say that i don't know,

But i know it's anticipating the sound
Of Your voice when i finally let you down...

Monday, October 12, 2009

S E P T U M S E P A R A T I O N

I.
Structured brilliance
Kisses
Dynamite exploding
Let there be light!
I am the moon
Where is Romeo?
Fast asleep beside the television
Watching static whiz by
And where am I?
In bed alone in an empty home

II.
Birds have no wings because the angels stole them, you see
They forgot what it was like to fly and so
With a hack and slash and flick of the wrist
They took the feathers and bones and blood and heart
And stitched everything together into a boat
If you're silent and still, you can see them float on the clouds,
But if you move, they'll come down and slit your throat

III.
THERE WAS A DOOR
but you must never open it

IV.
I burn the lights in the middle of the day
Must keep the darkness away
Hold a bottle in my outstretched hand
Let the pills slip and you shall be free
WHAT ABOUT ME

V.
I will sleep the dreamless sleep
I will sleep dreamless forever
You, with your will to live,
You think you're so much better
And yet here I am, pushing up the daisies
With a silver lever

VI.
Place the coins on my eyes
Tie the string to my toe
Pour beer down my throat
Watch my nails grow
Tonight I shall wake

VII.
there was a door
BUT YOU MUST NEVER OPEN IT

Saturday, October 10, 2009

On Your TV Screen

I keep meaning to post and keep not posting.

My head is full of static. I can't focus. I can't focus...I'm exhausted even though I slept all day. So long...now I can't tell. I think, I think I'm losing my mind.


SO MUCH STATIC!

I can't stay focused on any one thing...I can't remember...I can't think

can't think can't think can't think


Holy hell, where is my sanity going...



It's not drowning it's being lost it's being eaten it's being buried it's being

unknown lost broken

This is what death sounds like
I can feel it creeping in
I can feel it creeping up
Where do I get to go?
I can't even remember what I just wrote

I can't even think of who I am
Is it this again?
Am I losing myself to a void
Losing my voice
Do I have a choice?!

With great power comes
Nothing
Like bells ringing
Let us repent!
Preacher man sending us to hell
And there's always the bells
They know who we are inside
And then the preacher man
He dies
Goes to hell
And the bells
What hope is there for the rest
If he was the best

Guess we're in rat's alley
Where the dead men lost
Lost their minds
Static consuming like plague
Rats running over my grave
And when I die and they lay me to
Sleep?
I come back and moan and weep

WHISPERING TO THE SUN







let it be done
 
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