Thursday, January 28, 2010

Sixpence Too Willing

Sing a song of ecstasy
A pocketful of tears,
Four and twenty blackbirds carrying my fears,
And when they finally landed
I offered them some bread,
Now I have a murder circling 'round my head.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Indeed

My life has been one long list of failures;
Why should my death be any different?

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Doubt Within

With realization comes the responsibility.
I repress,
I refrain,
My face is pressed against the ground.
Am I less worthy?
I guess my arms are saying yes.
Hold me,
Hide me from myself,
Take away this poisonous doubt.
I don't know where I'm going
And I don't know if it's alone,
But I'm going there all the same.
I sort of feel abandoned.
Is that okay?
Maybe I should have said no...

Thursday, January 21, 2010

This Has Absolutely No Meaning

Got a pocketful of nothing
(Ashes, ashes)
Who are we to say it's over?
I have a fistful of dollars,
What will you trade me for them?
I hold your heart by a string
Treat it like a yo-yo.
Will you listen when I speak?
Things moving at the corner of my vision
And I just hope I can remain silent about them.
You know what I'm talking about,
You know what everyone is talking about.
Exercises in playful meanderings
Exercises in futile wanderings.
Please excuse the mess of my dreams,
Just passing through your bleak reality,
Tasting on my tongue this sanguine addiction
(Reach for it)
I can feel your heart beneath my hands
Strings vibrating.
You are my symphony


I was messing around with Dr. Wicked's Writing Lab and this spewed out. I can tell you that it took me five minutes. Yay widget?

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

An Apology of Sorts

I don't have a whole lot to say,
Fell awake the other day,
Lost track of time and drifted away.

Last night I fell asleep,
Missed messages I'd been waiting on for weeks,
How do I justify that to myself?
How do I justify missing everything?

I wake up and feel dead
Insane buzzing flitting through my head

Dreaming draws me nearer to the fears
Hunting me with blood soaked spears,
I have nothing to shield me from the dreams

Skeletons grasping my arms,
Keeping me from running,
Sapping my strength so I can't break them,
I have to protect my friend, I have to save him,
I let my guard down and there it is,
Skeleton holding me tight
Forcing me to fight,
I should have hunted him and won.

My alarm went off at 8:45
And I was sorry to still be alive,
I tripped and fell from dream to nightmare.

In conclusion, I'm sorry I missed you

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Silence In Spite of Me

I should just give it up
Stop hoping
Wishing
Wanting
Stop hanging on to threads that unravel
In my grasping hands.
I should realize that I can never have
The bright breaking of loneliness.
I can never have that strong guiding hand
Pressed against my throat.
I should just give it up
And call myself useless

Friday, January 15, 2010

Damage

Is that why I'm so alone?
I lit candles and drowned myself in darkness
In the silence of falling water.
Wondering never brings me nearer.
Am I too far gone?
I press my hands to the window and the sky
Weeps with me.
I am merely a product of my past
And a whisper of my future.
The past is doomed to repeat
(I can take the damage
I can keep walking)


Four years, two months, twenty-five days

Thursday, January 14, 2010

|<3|

You make me feel like my heart
Is in a spreader bar

Friday, January 08, 2010

I'm not kidding

Steph: What are those long things called, with the pillow at one end and they're sometimes covered in silk?

Me: ...a chaise lounge?

Steph: Yes! You are a goddess!

Me: *strikes pose*

And It Really Was Time

So settle down and watch her go

Like bitter tea leaves down the drain
Like bitter whispers on the brain
And silent mutterings from behind closed closet doors.

Silence!
Fall in line

Wristwatches burning spirals on skeletal arms
Grim reaper smiles full of guile and charm
She's falling down the tunnel with wings pasted on her back.

Simpering little mice
This is what delirium tastes like

Cake and ice cream and ginger ale
Paper plates that are far too frail
I held her hand until she told me it was time to go.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Sooner Rather Than...

"They say I’ve lost it
What could I know when I’m but a mockery?
I'm so alone"
~Switchfoot, 'Sooner or Later'

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Words Into A Void

I have to wonder if you're mad
If I did something to make you hate me.
I wonder if I could fix it if I did
I wonder if you would want me to.

I sent some pictures in hopes that you'd be pleased
And you were, and you told me,
But you're still gone and I know you're busy,
Just wish you'd say hi every now and then.

I'm lonely and silent
Wrapping myself in a cocoon of not caring,
Having to withdraw from the world
Just so for a little I can stop crying.

I miss you and hope that you're okay
And I'm trying not to harass you with texts
Or emails or calls,
I just wanted you to know

Even though you'll never read this

Sunday, January 03, 2010

You Say I'm Hopeless

I want to burn my body to the ground
Rise up from the ashes and fly away,
Spread open my veins and just bleed
Oceans of blood, raining blue rocks
Hateful suffering,
Desires old as dust as faith as hate,
And then there was nothing inside,
Nothing inside,
Nothing inside.
Help me bend backwards and land on my feet.
Just one last song to lay me to sleep
(And I shall sleep dreamless)
With nothing left but bitter lies,
I am going to slice until there's nothing left but
Scars on my wrists...


I dreamt I ran a bath
And filled it with cherry blossoms
(There was whispering in my head)
I dreamt I ran a bath
And stepped in to the bubbles
(I don't know what they're saying)
I dreamt I ran a bath
That I turned red
(They lulled me to sleep)

 
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