Tough

yeah, well, i didn't expect everyone to get it, but if it means something to me, then why not post it? (blondica? that could only be The Blonde One)

i have decided that life isn't worth dying over. yeah, sure, it'll get you down sometimes (like the bloody light above me that won't stop flickering...where did i put my sniper gun???) but that's not a reason to end it all. i want to live. i relized that just recently. for all the times i wanted to die, to make all the pain stop, it was just a desire to be alone, to make me think about what i really wanted. and i also found that i'm afraid to die. death is, to me, the lack of existence. but that's not right, it should only be the beginning, the ending of pain, yes, but the beginning of eternity for us.

yes, now everyone knows that i'm a Christian. and i'm not ashamed of that. not at all. i don't care if that makes you leave me alone, i'm used to that. and yes, even though i'm a Christain, i do get lonely. everyone becomes lonely at some point in their life. for friends, for someone who understands, for love. i don't know what i want out of life, but i want a friend. yeah, i know, a shock for those who know me. me? want to be with another human being? scary, what could have happened to make me like this? (gasps and cries in the backround)

yes, i'm more human than you might think. maybe. just a little. what exactly defines a human? i don't know. no one is exactly alike, so how do we know what the norm is for humans? and what do we do to define ourselves? i don't know. i really don't. maybe that is what life is for, to find out who we really are and become the most we can be(i know it sounds like those cheezy marine commercials, but hey, if it works, why not?) and i really want to know who i am. a lot. so i will carry on. and i will learn to be myself, no matter what.

just becuase life seems to be against you, does'nt mean you should give in, it just means that you are going in the right direction, and you must fight harder than you ever have before.