Veritas

They will look at me and they will say,
"She is fallen."
And I will turn away saying,
"That is true."
Not saying:
"You all are the deluded dreamers
Moving through days of solid waste,
Nights of wicked silence,
And years of solid, silent suffering.
I have fallen because I have seen,
And continue to see,
And can never stop seeing,
The mechanism of the world."

They will look at me and they will say,
"She has fallen forever."
And I will turn away saying,
"That is true."

Endlessly

Wicked cold kisses

Trailing down

As if

I

Am full of ice.

Longings for a final

Forbidden

Forever kiss

And

Screaming into pillows

Trying to just

Make

It

STOP

Rising

I have
Seen
Between rock and
Evergreen
The shaking
Sighing
Seeing.
"Lie to me," she says
And I can
See
The violet rising.
"What have you seen?"
She says.
I see
The expanse
Of seeing.

Confession

I don't want you to think
That I am
Not

Something worth saving.

My fear is that I will be
Will not be
Can be
Sold out for the sake of

Someone else

Armand

I can't believe that you still have this magical power over me

To hurt me

To make me feel like I should be doing something better

I can't believe you can,

Without saying anything,

Dig that hole a little deeper.


I fucking hate everything about you
And I wish I could be yours again.

^*^

Silence between floating places
Holding
Watching
Together with something left undone

Tomorrow until the rising sun

Tonight until the morning comes

Now until the break of day

Quietly the last ones slip away

ƃuıuɹnq

Nothing stops this plague
Eating my soul away
Aching
I'm burning inside with lust for
Anguish for
Racing towards a
GLORIOUS PURPOSE

And it will never go away.

-

One last exquisite divide

to hold the earth still

against the tide

A Return

Into this darkness,
Marching,
We go:
Holding close our-

Palms held open, grasping, groping,
Tongues to lick and stick and stalk.
What once was lost is found is tossed
Into this darkness
Fingers crossed.

Eyes to the sky.

Five Last Words

I.
I am the guttersnipe wretch
Walking midnight streets with broken hands,
Pools of tepid water sucking at my feet.

II.
Wanderer, dreamer, little lost soul,
I am the one left out in the cold,
And I will walk
And I will run
To sleep in the darkness when the sun must come.

III.
A fetish for falling

IV.
Gemini countenance:
A twin for all seasons!
Exclusion, reclusion,
Criminal grievance.

V.
I will walk into the dark
Willingly
And perhaps this sacrifice
Will be
Enough

Writer Problems

I have never created a permanent solution, a world built to last, an asylum from the outside void. Every word burns readily against the white and the paper goes up in flames, a world lost, a song sung, a silence unbroken. I have never created a construct built to last.

            Unchained, now, what do I have to do?

            Write me a world.

            How do I write something I hardly understand? I am no creator. I am a wanderer.

            Build the walls from your blood, your soul, your heart. Fill it with all the pain and confusion you’ve ever felt lost in a crowd of meandering mortals. Fill it with immortality.

            I can’t remember what it’s like.

            You remember.

            Do I want to go back?

            Do you want to go forward?

            My hands feel broken. Requiem, denial, I have forgotten what I’m chasing.

            Walk the cemetery path and look into the still pond.

            All I see is myself and the sky.

            Which way will you fall, if you jump into it.

            To the stars, the black, the void between galaxies.

            Which way.

            Within.

Fuck Punctuation

Break apart the lines of text
And rip open the empty chest

Sing me songs before I fall,
She says,
And let me be the one to end it all

I have lost the will

Righteous light of the setting sun
The sun
Setting my eyes before we go
Into darkness,
She said.

I WILL NEVER BE YOURS

I Dreamt Long

Deep grass to cover me
Deep dirt to smother me
Deep dreams to haunt me
Deepness to taunt me

I see your mausoleum on the hillside, buried myths and moths and dust rot bones. I have wandered here of my own volition and stand with hands in pockets as I peer into the catacombs. No one knows where I have wandered, no one will call when I don't return. I am alone here with just the wind and the voice of the past whipping down my spine. I can't rush this, just give me some time.

Wood to bind me
Cotton to wind me
Time to abuse me
Darkness to use me

One foot in front of the other I am stepping into the gaping maw, hands outstretched to maybe stop my fall. I have never been here before, I will never pass through again, but I hear the voice calling me to the end. I tread on skulls, on ribs, on spines, I pick through tunnels of buried lives. I taste the rotten flesh on the stagnant air and hear the whisper of voices that aren't really there.

Fire to burn me
Whips to turn me
Water to drown me
Haven't you found me?

I am deep beneath the surface of the world and I stand alone on a precipice made of dirt and bone. I can see nothing that she does not show me, know nothing she does not bestow on me, hear nothing, feel nothing, I can no longer run. She is the addiction that will leave me undone. I crawl forward on hands and knees, feeling arms reaching up from beneath.

Grass to cover
Dirt to smother
Bones to break
Life to take

Some hard altar becomes my bed, some skulls sit beside my head, I lay with bated breath awaiting her hand to bring my death. I am here of my own volition and choose to stay out of contrition, or sorrow or fear or remorse or peace, I am here to die and be released. So bring down your hand with brutal force, I no longer run, Mistress, I am yours.

*

I have seen where it grows between
Hard wood and
Evergreen

Follow me away from here

I am the singular
Fleeting image flowing
Silently
Into isolation

We are the forsaken

And you are the exquisite divide

~

Her velvet gown falling into darkness,
I bow
Tasting the sweat of my treason
And expecting the sharp lash of recompense

-

I keep getting these random panic attacks and I don't know what to do about them.

I can't sleep, I'm not eating right, I can barely get out of bed.

I don't know what to do about it.

I feel very fragile.

And nothing seems to matter anymore.

I don't care about anything.

Safety

I have paced this floor forever,
Hands twisting against themselves
In hope and fear,
Watching the door for a sign
Of weakness.

Pacing this empty room eternal,
Words dripping down the walls
In silent rivulets
As the stone bends around me.

I am the singular, silent,
Forsaken
Echoing whisper left out to die.

So won't you please
Tell me about the world outside.

Disjoint

Let me sever your heartstrings
Making love to the gaps in between

Sweet agony blooming into vibrant fractals
Vibrantly etching
Acid

Dust floating in the air to be lost upon contact:

I am the point within

Savoring your widened eyes in the mirror
As you struggle to breathe once again
With hands outstretched

Do you see the electric fading?

You can only see the dark spots coming all the time
Now
Visions of the hereinafter
Wet on your clammy skin

Translucent shell with veins below
Spilling
Spilling

Letting go

< br/ >

< strike >

as if you're not afraid of what will come

touching the flesh

< body >

Awakening

She will rise into the night

Until you can

< br/ >

< br/ >

< br/ >

the light in

And be so < b >

be so
< b >

as to

< strike >

Like the world is ending

Take the words apart and form a single line

Until the time comes,

She said.

Sight

I have been pushing my hands out against the darkness forever;
Shouting broken words into a bleak infinity of
Stardust, nebular symphonies, falling worlds.

IF I EVER TOLD YOU WHAT I'VE SEEN

You would reach for a hand no longer wishing to be held.
One void too many amongst the lonliness,
Wouldn't you say, little one?

Between the galaxies, the gap of matter, antimatter,
The sound of wind in canyons creeping,
Have you seen it?

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING

Before this moment?

Eight Dreams Wandering

I.
Beg and borrow,
Little flame,
Turn the page and write your name.

II.
Books on shelves bent double down to kiss sweet dust upon the ground.

III.
You,
Who have wandered aimless,
Found a library among the nameless
And for the lost,
And for the dead,
So write your name with-

IV.
Silk and thread.

V.
Cryptographic clues follow silent steps leading:
Before the morning comes, falls, lays bleeding

VI.
Last decimal point before the coming storm,
Dew drops fell and cry forlorn.
Take one last look at oaken door.
Take one last book and beg for more.

VII.
Into the darkness: hallucination;
Come, my lady! My salvation!
I am lost but now am found,
Follow star, not wind, not sound.
Have you been watching me, my heart?
Have you seen me being ripped apart?
Vile creature, a dream within,
I swore to never be here again.

VIII.
Were you so blind to think your debt paid?
You beholden creature,
Just run away.

Beheld

Within the pale moonlight glowing,
I have stood upon the road
And with my hands built fabled bridges

Dirt and ashes between my toes.

And you have witnessed my perfection:
A sudden silent catastrophe,
Upon your heart inscribed with needles
I have stitched away the key-

Alleviate the windswept darkness:
Favour her with whispered shame,
You must stretch out silken towers
Of skin and fear and endless pain.

Don't hold me back, now, little darling,
Hearts beholden with silver keys,
I am kneeling ever on the roadway
To please the Lady of the Deep.

Worship

I would fall before you,
My heart,

I would bow down and whisper your name

Between shaking hands
And without hope.

I have walked a windswept forest at night searching for something that I'm uncertain exists in the first place. No body wants me and no body knows I'm gone and no body would miss me if I never came back. If I fell into the darkness and reached for the bottom of the pit would I find what I've always wanted? I don't want to be lost.

My heart,
You are the only one I have ever worshiped.

I could never give you what you deserve

And I weep for that,
And I weep for my defiance.

And I wish I could forget.