Finally A Real Post

well, alright, guess i better do a real post or something. soooo, last saturday P86 played here. and of course, i had to go, cuz, well, they're my favourite band. and i get there and the price has changed, from 12 dollars at the door to 15. ok, pay that and just get inside, muttering about the illogic of the human brain...*mutters more* anyways, there are about 4 other bands also playing. it was...um...Mourning September, Number One Gun, Spoken...and um...*goes and looks it up* The Fold! that was it! well, alright, so i didn't pay much attention to the other bands ('cept Spoken, cuz, well, iunno, i just did). i was up in the mosh pit playing 'human ball'. which was interesting, but i only fell over once...bruised my wrist and thumb...but it was worth it. so yeah...finally, after sitting through some bands that were alternative main stream stuff (not that they weren't good, mind you, but i like different things, and they weren't even close...so similar to every other band!!!! geez) but anyways...after Spoken got done, P86 got ready...*sigh* good times...they were intense...and i mean intense...only the hardcore fans were left at this time (about 11 pm i should think...we'd been standing for about...iunno...5 hours?) so pretty much every person knew the lyrics and we were screaming them back. yup, good times those. meh, after the concert my ears were ringing and they felt like i'd shoved cotton into them. and i was dripping sweat, complelty soaked, and shivering. still good times. i kinda passed out in the car on the way home though, kinda tired...and a bit stressed from being packed into a confined space with so many people touching me *shudders* but...i kinda liked it...for the odd reason that i fit in. i wasn't the only person there in all black...with hobo gloves...screaming up into the face of the most intense singer ever (and before people start screaming at me...the most intense singer i'd ever seen, better? geeeez, relax). i wasn't kicked out, made fun of, given dirty looks. i belonged there. it was...pretty cool. not the kind of thing you really expect to find in a mosh pit...but anyways...

yeah, so after that and after i passed out in the car, i come to realize that i have bruises covering my entire body. ah, well, i still have them and they hurt, but it's good. (they've turned a nice shade of yellow and purple, quite lovely) <--that's a joke, btw

much hope friends and foes, much hope

Mosh Pit and Shooting Star

well, i don't feel like doing a real post...so here's something to let you know i'm still out here...i'll get around to talking about the P86 concert i went to (heandbanging the whole way!!!) and the marching contest my band went to (like...concert band). well...guess that's it for now...keep the hope

Grieving For the Innocent

do you even know what you are playing with? what fires lurk inside those gates, waiting to swallow you and drown your desperate cries? do you even understand one thing about the game you have chosen to play? do you know the rules? do you know what happens if THEY come for you? the demons with their soulless eyes are watching you dance closer and closer to the all-consuming darkness. and they want you. they want eveyone. if i could tell you what i saw the last time i was in there, if you could even understand the scars left on my spirit from that one encounter, you might turn away from your foolishness. the demons are waiting to be invited back in to the land of the dead, and will you be the ones to hold open the door and welcome them? will you allow the evilness to return so close to where you must sleep, eat, live? can't you even see what they want from you? they will choke you with their chains, lead you around as though you are an animal, break you of all your innocence. the innocence that eveyone so highly prizes in people of your age. i beg of you, all of you, do not continue with your plans! do not follow through with this foolishness! if you can even hear me at all, give me a minute of your time and take my words inside you! THEY will come. those that have the black eyes and voiceless promises of everything you have ever desired, but the road to their 'paradise' is paved with chains and barbed wire. the grasses are dead, the trees but skeletons against the stormy sky. oh, please, listen to me! do not leave my cries echoing into the silent void you have left behind! more than ever i wish that you would listen to me. that you would see what i mean! none of you know what you are doing! fight the thrill of darkness and come back to what you had before. come back to us, do not leave your souls resting in the land of the dead, your bodies but an empty husk. please, please, do not...

*for annie, tracey, and alex*

Two Extremes

alright, i want everyone's opinion about this. why do people cry from both joy and pain? i have my own theory, which i'll share after everyone has said something. say whatever you like, i really am curious.

*****alright, before i state what i think, i thank everyone for your perspectives, they were all quite interesting and helpful. *grins* yes, even shade's.

ok, here it is (credit goes to Sm0kstr for the ideas and making me think about this) i'm putting the conversation on here that i had:

Sm0kstr: why do both pain and joy in great amounts produce the same thing?
ShadowL0R: joy because it is foreign to humans, so much light that there has to be some response
Sm0kstr: but why the same reaction as pain?
Sm0kstr: why not laughter?
Sm0kstr: or something unique to joy?
ShadowL0R: two extremes of tears...one is beautiful because it's like rain...it heals the land and cleanses it and makes it lovely
ShadowL0R: the other like rain, for in great force it destroys, kills, drowns

and that's what i think. don't even ask why we were talking about this, i don't really know either.

ensueños de sangre, esperanzas de muerte

Shredded Wrists...

ah, back for now, not sure for how long...i'll update when i can but as of now, this blog is...uh...contraband or whatever you wanna call it. my stepdad walked out on us again...so...yeah...i was going to kill myself tonight, but suddenly i find that i have to take care of a younger child. she's only 13...i can't leave her by herself...no matter how much i want to just make it end...that story...uh...the two deleted comments on the post awhile ago....those were the link and disclaimer for my story...i was forced to delete them...and that's also why my blog no longer comes up in my profile...*ahem* yes, i found that option...but anyways...i was experimenting this morning with a plastic knife and my wrist...i've never cut my wrist before...probably one of the only things i haven't done...too noticable...but i have gloves (ya know, no fingers in them) that i can wear that cover it and i wear them all the time now, so...yeah...just adding to the pain i guess...i'll be putting links on here now...though maybe not to the same story...yes, i can still feel guilt, despite popular opinion, and that story...well...let's just say that if anyone at school found that and figured out it was mine...well...i'd be institutionalized...and that's...aww, you guys know what that would be like...*sigh* well...i guess that's it for now...i'll try to do more later...

Extrapolation of Interpretation

ya know, i've been thinking. where did the labels we commonly use today come from? some are easy to identify and some are just...obscure...well, here we go, everything you never wanted to know and could have lived your whole life without knowing about labels!!!!

let's start out easy, we'll do prep. hokay, so...

prep-from the preparatory school. literally, someone who is obviously well off. (ie, loads of $$, fancy clothes, nice car...etc) this is probably about being prepared to do well in the world. like, you know, good manners, etiquette...i believe 'prep' schools were originally for girls and such...which is why it is more likely to hear a girl called a prep. (iunno the date, i couldn't find any info on this one online, but i'd say dates back to...maybe...1700's? whenever the first school's for chicks were starting)

alright...how about something a little harder...

punk-this one is very interesting. one meaning i'll skip *ahem* it doesn't add to this. think of a punk stick. you know, the stick that you burn around the 4th of july (or whatever day you set off fireworks) to set the fuze on fire and the stick just keeps burning and burning and burning? well, that's where this comes from. a punk was originally "rotten, slow burning wood, used as tinder." (perhaps from ponk-living ashes) eventaully, the meaning became "something worthless; foolish or empty talk" (literally, something rotten) and there is where we get our punk. worthless and rotten people. nice, huh? (dates back to 1596)

well, then, moving on, let's try this one:

emo-if you asked me yesterday, i'd have said that it's from emotion. because you know those shirts that always say 'cheer up emo kid.' well, it's really an abbreviation for emocore or emotional hardcore. named for the bands in the mid 1980's, this is about deeeeeeep meaning, introspection, and connections to other people. so, yeah, you could say emotion, but isn't it more pointless to know this??? (dates back to mid 1980's, just in case you missed that)

alrighty, see? this isn't so bad...now...where were we...oh, yes, one i actually know something about

goth-right, i know about the lifestyle, but i don't know about the word. and everything i try to look up comes up in german. because...you guessed...the word goth originated in germany!!! you get a prize!!! anyways, ok, here's a guess, something to do with the achitecture in the renassiance. oh, wait, here's something. from the word used for the Germanic people who invaded italy and destroyed rome. also, refers to architecture based on the medieval ages. think gargoyles. and there is where you get the horror. also, a genre of writing (ie. Edgar Allan Poe) that involves horror, death, or the negative side of romanticism. (grotesque, mysterious, desolate) (dates back to mid 12th century, which is the 1100's)

sooo, what'dya think?? *raises eyebrows* feel free to correct me on whatever...or add...or just comment in general...or not...whichever you feel like at the moment. there's probably a trillion others that i missed, but i only did the most common ones. (i think we all know where loner and outcast come from) but, seriously, add!!! i'd like to compile a list of the origins and stuff...and if you wanna give me tips about the lifestyle, that's great too. *looks around* well, guess that's it for now.

Football-Away

last night was a football game...away in some little town that took us two and a half hours to get to on the bus cuz we left during rush hour. the bus ride wasn't so bad, i guess, i slept on the way down there...kinda...well, not really, i didn't sleep, i'm too paranoid for that. but it was ok. we got there pretty early, before the other band had played their alma mater...and guess what just joyous occasion we had to witness. why yes, it was that school's homecoming...good guess. *scowls* i don't like our homecomeing, why should we have to watch it somewhere else? the worst part was, all the maids wore the school colours...no pink, or orange, or red, or black, just green and white. and the chicks in white all looked like the were getting married...especially this one chick who's dress was, i guess, called a 'cinderella dress' so it was all big and poofy in the skirt area (one of the guard told me, i didn't know).

anyways, they finally get that over with *rolls eyes* and the band stopped playing their dorky love song. (i hope we don't have to play one this year...last year was pretty bad) but, this is their homecoming...you'd expect the stands to be loaded, right? well, not here. there was maybe, 150 people in those stands, including about 25 students. and their stands were made to hold, oh, iunno, about...800? so it was pretty pathetic. it looked like we had a better turnout. and we were much more spirited about it all too. they barely cheered for their football team...they cheered more for our band during halftime then they ever did for the team. there's just something wrong with that. but their band was amazing. constant motion charts...unique songs and sound...very good, very accurate...*ahem* sorry, yeah, anyways...

i don't know...it was a pretty good game (i'm just saying that cuz we won)...but the bus ride back was crazy. i was trapped talking with these two chicks (i swear, one of them is gay) about...prom...yes, that's right, prom. they were asking me what colours i thought they should wear (and what colour i should wear too, *rolls eyes* there is one decent colour out there, that being black...and red isn't so bad, but black is it. and i am not wearing any other colours...and they said i could wear a dress, but they must have caught the horrified look on my face...i'd never live it down, i'm serious...). i can't believe they got me to talk about it....*shudders* moving on, we went through a bunch of subjects such as why there is only one teacher in my school that everyone thinks is highly attracted to girls...and why every girl in the school feels this way...and why guys can be so rude (despite popular opinion this is not my fault, okay?!?!?!? i don't know!!! stop asking me!!!). but othere than that...twas pretty routine.

oh, yeah, i've written a stroy, so if you'd like to read it, tell me and i'll drop a link on here.