*click*
Just got back from the Fiesta Bowl this morning. Slept all day (gosh damn 26 hours on a bus). Long story short, I didn't have to kill anyone. Just maim (I kid, I kid). It was fun. We placed 11th out of 12. Ok, so we sucked it up, but we were the only invited band from the state. Gosh. Got to see the Grand Canyon and all that jazz.
With all the voices raging, past the door, come, follow us down
Spent all our waking moments doing stuff. Swimming, practice, party, seminar, going some random place to eat. Got to see the Organ Stop. Simply amazing. Although now I'm completely sick of everyone in band. Wish they'd all just die...should say jk here, but I'm not really.
Take us at our word, follow, with all the voices in your ear, straight to the darkness
I played with something that I should never have touched...when will I learn to leave the spirit world to its own devices...here I am, shaken, unsettled, unclean, trying to convince myself that I wasn't...wasn't...involved...
She said 'Don't make me remember' but what am I if not an echo chamber?
She looked me over, ran her/my hands across her/my legs, answered my phone. She said it wasn't a bad body. She said she could accept this. I sat to the side, frozen, stuck, wanting to be myself and yet stopped. She typed back a message. She saw his picture. She smiled.
I was crying inside, following the trail of oblivion, calling and stalling and weeping into the wind
She wanted to meet him. She looked through my memories. I'm unclean...I'm dirty...cast her away, I have the control...easier said than done. I cried inside...and choked. Who am I? I could remember...nothing that I had ever been through before.
"Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep"
The fire raged and the bodies...the screams...it hurt, I was dying...no...she was...what was I doing? I had no control...
It was complications from Zoloft. Suicide. She was tempted by the daemons in the bathroom. She took too many pills. Settled down with her wine. When she realized what was happening, she was angry. The daemon looked on. She died from an assisted suicide. Case Closed.
So why do I still feel unclean...?
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
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3 comments:
Yes, I stole the title from a song. Subject to Change, by Project 86. It was appropriate and i didn't even realize...
Seal my heart
Against what you inspire.
I'll burn it away;
Filled with fire...
shadow!!! a very happy new year! dropped here from Cocaine Jesus's rabbit hole... and glad that i did! amazing stuff!
too long unclean... you stop noticing and then again, i dont see any one clean, any more... except maybe babies!
I still feel unclean...
The past, the future,
Where have I been?; where am I going?
What have I done?
Oh god, what did I do?
Save me, save me,
from the world I unleashed,
bubbling from within.
That was one of the most interesting entries I've ever read... Not entirely sure what to think of it. Not very sure at all, in fact. But it was good to read. Kinda like a kaleidescope...
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