i've found poetry that makes me sick to my stomach. i wonder if i ever used to write like that...gosh...i hope not...eww...
*massive shudders*
The faithless understand
We'll all be damned
We'll all be damned
i feel so damn blah lately
She cries herself to sleep
Telling herself 'Do not weep'
But she cannot stop the tears
i need a job. i need to look for a car. i need to look for an apartment. i need to backfile my taxes. i need to apply for college. i need to learn to move on, stop hanging onto my youth...just let go of it all. it's so hard to let go...it's so hard to move on...i just want to be comforted...i just wanted a family...
i feel so damn blah
stopped meeting my eyes in the mirror. my own eyes...kills me...
what does it matter, though.
never get better
never remember...
started feeling this way after i wrote all that...all that...all that...
i wish i could take it back...but it's written and saved and i can't let it go now...
I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER
my subconscience begs to differ
whatever
if i have to live with mystery
and memory
i can do it
i can make it
i can live
can't i?
honestly, i don't know
i'm so confused...
and i feel so damn blah!
i want to shake this off
and do what needs to be done
start learning how to live
start learning to have fun
i just wanted a family for a while...
Sunday, July 08, 2007
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2 comments:
well everyone has got to grow up sometime...im learning that myself right now...i know were not friends but seriously if you need somthing call me...anyway i hope things get better for you...ttyl.
You should never let go of your youth. Learn from it and grow, but hold onto it with everything you have. It's the mold in which you were set to make you who you are now. Tossing that away would be denying, not what you are, but the road upon which you traveled to get here. The past is one of your strongest assets, your strongest learning tool. Especially in your case, when your past is filled with so much unique experience. And to shut yourself off from your youth would be putting yourself in danger of shutting off your inner child. Your innocence, your sense of wonderment, the part of you that makes you excited about little things you don't know why you're excited about (but like it), the thing that makes you able to look at a picture on the wall that you see every day and really take it in, see it anew, and be amazed by it all over again. And your innocence, and your inner child, are much more intact than you think. She dances within your heart, twirling, smiling, laughing, all mostly (if not totally) unseen by you. She's been terribly hurt... but you've healed her. And now she's happy and free for probably the first time in your life. Don't throw those parts of yourself away. Come to terms with it, and move on from it, but never let it go.
I am family. I know that's not a lot, just one person and all that, but I am. We've always been very close, and our friendship has never faltered or wavered. We've always shared a special bond, a kind which I've felt only with you. You let me in and allowed me to console you at a time when very few could touch you. And you've consoled me at times when I didn't have many places to turn. And, of course, I love you deeply. I'm sure I'm not the only person you have whom you could name such, but I offer this. If you're looking for family... I am.
Just don't call me "brother", 'cause that never leads to good things 'round these parts. You know it to be true. =)
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