This Is Screaming

One day I'm going to wake up,
I'm going to open my eyes.
Thinking that I have somewhere to go with my life,
So pathetic,
I choke on dreams that only taunt me
With sweet kisses.
I want so badly to get better and yet...
I am terrified of losing myself,
Dying and still being alive,
Giving in to that sweet darkness and resuming my watchful days.
Someone, listen, do you think I'm worth it..?
I keep trying to convince myself that I am
But every day I see so many reasons why I should just
Go away,
And it seems so reasonable, so logical, so right,
Giving back what isn't mine:
This life, hers, this shattered life...

Recently I haven't been well,
Recently I haven't been able to keep hold of myself,
Just like before, that vertigo returning
To make me dizzy
So I shatter the mirrors telling me lies.
Recently I've been confronted with who I should be,
Should have been,
And how far off that path I've gotten.
Rather than just living, just being the protector I was made to be,
I've become petty, a dreamer, a wisher,
A fool.
I fell into the way of the world and the world dictates
I must be a girl.
I have to give that back.
Means dividing, means releasing, means everything I've come to desire
I have to give up.

She wants her life back.
It's a steady pressure the last few days,
A steady rhythm choking me to sleep.
I can't stand the thought of being dead that way,
Or being offstage, forgotten.
I don't want to give up what I've taken,
What she left behind
THIS LIFE IS FUCKING MINE
And I refuse to relinquish my hold.
But there's this little voice that whispers
"Just let go"
And I wonder if I can not listen to it,
If I'm strong enough to push through.
It's so right for it to be hers again...


Would anyone care if I wasn't here...