With Realization...

...But rage is a warm comfort
Tinted comforting red
And the dark eyed boy
Is not so easily put off
I offer my blood
But that is not enough
Faceless desire
Why can't we love?


multiple personality
n : a relatively rare dissociative disorder in which the usual integrity of the personality breaks down and two or more independent personalities emerge dictionary.com


I don't think I'm supposed to know about him
And certainly not anyone else.


Talk to me
Tell me it's a dream
Like my-
Broken wings?

Anarchy

Who died and left them in charge?

Hayz- You're wrong, I would kill you
Mabie- You have no idea how deep my rage goes

What do you expect from me
Helpless fury and despicable actions...

Straighten the line
They have no idea
You're all wrong
I WOULD KILL YOU

Heretic

why am i the damned?
rejection
the demons laugh with you
RED LINES
rejection
flip the switch
cut the laughter out
fuck this


it comes to one decision, better left unsaid

Hell

i keep having these visions of stabbing a knife in my arm...what's wrong with me when this is all i think of...what's wrong with me when the scars start to spread across my body. and there's no stopping it. no stopping anything anymore. why don't i just admit i have nothing left and let go? why don't i just let go...into these visions.

True Dark

Stay your soul
Bitterly, we move together
With a call of fury
Bring down the fire
Stay your outrage
We move in legion
Speak no words
Death for your treason
Hide behind your doors
Shutter the windows and cry
With your pain we will gain
Another sable night
Cover your eyes
Cover your eyes!
Stay your soul
Legion of darkness and light
Stay your outrage
Embrace the quiet

Animal Sounds

maintain your pathetic excuses
beyond the light of the fire
a terror so deep it will infiltrate
even so far as the earth

take my hand and devour
stand ready to end it all
with a meager portion of terror
we will destroy them all

contain your simple positions
a word of truth on your lips
i cannot remember to walk with you
if you turn from me now

take my hand and devour
stand ready to end it all
with a meager porion of terror
we will destroy them all

subtle ways to rip us assunder
i demand your attention now
take this my failure and run with me
with hands outstretched to kill

take my hand and devour
stand ready to end it all
with a meager portion of terror
we will destroy them all

Why Did I Bother?

so i went to my school's prom. (i was coereced. a senior friend said she'd cry if i didn't go and that it was her last year here and she really wanted me there, and i can't stand it when people cry...) i've determined that all females that went are stained glass windows, pretty but pointless. as for me, i wasn't gothic in the subculture way, but in the era, yeah i got that down pretty good. all black and dark grey and scary looking...like i could eat your soul...mmm, like cotton candy...

Nothing so real as surreal
Maybe tinted by exhaustion
Maybe by the headache
Concussion bass
Should have been this way
Should have been butterflies
And eternal dancing
And eternal butterflies
Flowing gowns
And butterflies...

Twinkle, twinkle little star
Kill us all, kill us hard
Make them learn
Make them burn
DESTROY US ALL
THEY WILL FALL

Beholden

Rip my veins
And trembling I will fall
You hold the blade to my wrist
Seal my fate with a heartfelt
Kiss.
One final death to die
And trembling I will go
You hold the blade to my mind
Seal my fate with a heartfelt
Lie.
Spill my blood
And tremnling I will stop
You hold the blade to my silence
Seal my fate with a heartfelt
Violence.
Rip my veins
And trembling I will fall
You hold the blade to my wrist
Seal my fate with a heartfelt
Kiss.

Stand Down

as over the edge we stand
as over the lies we craft
with a hand of violence and murder
take me now in this hour
take me back to the before
candle flames and wind in the air
promises, all empty promises
like the shattered mirror of my dreams
or are they mine at all
i lived in the other world and over the edge
we stand looking down
we stand with the wings torn from our backs
who are you to condemn the damned?
we are, we are
as over the edge we stand
falling past your steady gaze
i held in my heart your last breath

Un-haven

Maybe we've got a place.
With the element of desire
There is nothing barred,
Nothing whole.
(To help the path end)
Maybe with this rejection,
Determined resignation,
Maybe with a small smile
Can we change what comes
Pass on the responsibility
Pass on with the secret:
Maybe we've got a place...


With realisation comes the responsibility of repression

Stand

strangleation and a million tiny voices with sharp swords in their back pockets. empty cartons of milk scattered in the hall with the rest of the white trash. fancy magpies, if only i had a shotgun. if only i had a sense of reality so i could destroy the sickness that lives in me and rise against the night, back to the way things were, even if death should follow. strafe, spin, twist, inhale the powder. i can write it but when i speak it's like the world ends. over and over and over and over and over...

riveting. a baby cries in the night. and i am alone to listen. what do you want from me? what do you want me to do? play the game and win, stupid. that's all.

Spite

don't you dare tell me who i am. what you see is what you want. beside the darkness, beside of you. open your eyes, fool. look into the sun. take me for who i am not, not for who i am. endless debate and countless memories. you always remember what makes you look good, not what is good. debate me about the truth. but they know. all of them. trust me, it'll be the last thing you do.

Again We Remember

*sigh*

once again we remember.

I'll leave a rose on your pillow
So you'll know i was here,
Complete with a drop of blood
To stain the white cotton fabric.
Soon, that one drop,
That never dies and never darkens,
Will soak through all the sheets and blankets,
Turning each white cloth to red,
The colour of love and rage.
I love you.

News

Why do the rains bring death?
So many homeless survivors drowning in despair
And misery.
Ah, we beg for syrings to ease out pain
The death toll rises and we see
That when we are alone
We have changed what we believed.
Trembling aftershocks, they took our hope
What have we left now on this day
Oh, mortal confusion, take it all away.

REPRESSED RAGE

Making A List...

name as many forms of abuse as you can. i just want to see something, so please, humour me.

False Hope

it's an interesting feeling, being on the verge of tears...i haven't cried in so long, i don't really remember...all i could think of was how good it would feel to cry again...what happend was a really stupid thing that just...shouldn't have made me like this...i was s'posed to go somewhere with some friends, and it was going good until i had a time that i had to meet them...then my mother (cuz i don't have my lisence yet) took me to a store and instead of just staying there about 20 mins like we were s'posed to, she made me stay 2 hours. so i'm there glaring at the clock and she's telling me to relax and not be so stressed. so we get in the car and go to pick up my check, which we were going to cash and then head out of town, well, i get my check and then my stepdad starts complaing that he's hungry (he was in the car with us) so we stop by burger king *barf* and get some food and sit in the lot and eat. then we go to cash the fucking check...then we just have to go home cuz my stepdad wanted to and unload the stuff we bought and i get a call saying that my friends are leaving and they have to go home (around this time was an hour fifteen after i was s'posed to meet them). so yeah...i pretty much almost break down on the phone...(for those wondering why this would bother me so much, i never do anything with any of my friends...cuz friends are bad dontcha know, well, that's what my stepdad says and he told me that i'm not good enough for them and all this shit) so yeah, i bought a benchpress bar and a curl bar and i'm assembling them in my room cuz i had to do something or explode and he comes in while my mom is helping me put the screw in and he says "don't throw this against the wall cuz it'll knock a hole in it." no shit, sherlock. gosh damn, i'm not a fucking retard. i'm in weight training for fuck's sake, i fucking know what one of those would do to my wall. then he goes all serious and he's like "but i bet you already knew that, right?" and i nodded, cuz yeah, i knew that so he started in on me about my bad attitude and actually wanting to do something with my friends that, ohmygosh, would require someone to drive me somewhere. IF HE'D LET ME GET MY FUCKING LISENCE I WOULDN'T HAVE TO ASK TO BE CARTED AROUND. fuck this. i think i'll go do something...deconstructive

but what I meant was that he didn't put on his post "I NEED HELP. CONSOLE ME WITH MEANINGLESS BABBLE"
-ShadeofDeath

Struck With Nothing

meh, nothing to say, or at least, nothing that doesn't sound so cliche i'd have to shoot myself. actually, i thought about posting some poems i wrote to Deirdre (*ahem* i rename my friends so that i can write about them...though i'm pretty certain that i can't call this person a friend). but, i read over them, and one was sooo dark...in relation to me...the other was so...um...dark and violent (a collab between me and an awesome guy in my CW class, not that i talk to many people in there, but he added this brilliant ending to it and it really seems to work out well) in relation to her. meh, i'll end up posting them if she ever makes me that mad again...or if she vaguely annoys me, it doesn't take much to make me homicidal, what takes a lot is taking me past homicide into the "evil sadist" mode. then i have these random daydreams of torturing people...which i nearly did once so don't make me that mad...*innocent smile*

go watch these:
Element Trailor, good flash graphics, lovely stroy line
Merry Melony episode 1, omgosh, this is amazing
The Ultimate Showdown, hey, it's funny! we need to laugh sometimes!

i'd put the suicide one on here, but, uh, yeah...it's not conducive to living

Running Embrace

Fate of the eyes
We're going to shut you up
Tonight
We're going to run until we die
And we're not gonna stop
Not 'til we fucking know how far
This goes
We'll meet our monsters in the dark
And we're not gonna let them go
We'll embrace our fears tonight
We'll embrace our fears tonight
Somehow we'll bring them home
Take our fucking soul out
And we're not gonna let them go
We'll meet our monsters in the dark
And we're gonna take them home
We'll embrace our fears tonight
We'll embrace our fears tonight