Precious Betsy Bell

Do you believe me?
When I speak, and my jaw is broken
Unhinged
Whispering into the darkened room
The plastic eyes staring on and there I am
Breathing
Forgetting to breathe
Breathing
Wishing I would never draw another breath
I held it close and stroked its fur
And everything I ever cried
Soaked in so far the wash couldn't get it out again
I'm afraid it will bite me
I'm afraid to look
I'm afraid to not look
Stripes and golden fur and all the pain in the world
Whispered in the dark
Was it ever easier to stay silent?
How did you know?
I wonder and ponder and try not to remember
I held an invisible hand
I cried invisible tears
A bee stung me, a smile fell from me
A room full of books and a home full of colour
Sun shining through bottles filled with water
Peacock feathers, marbles, daffodils
Today I pick up a knife
Tomorrow I pick up a stone
Yesterday I held a baby bird
And lo, from the darkness a voice was heard
It could never scream
I shattered
I woke one night with my voice stuck in my throat
Where were the lights?
Eyes staring at me and all I could see was you
Was it you?
Was it me?
I whispered and a hand-

From the darkness sprang division
I am the shattered
My mouth hangs open and I gather the cries of the lost
The broken
The haunted
I whispered and turned away
Was it ever so easy to stay silent?
No, there is ease in guilt and shame
I held out my broken hands and cried for a reason
Sometimes things are too loud to be spoken
And so I whisper
Do you believe me now?