Pre-Cal

What it means, what it means, y=mx+b but other than that, take the 3rd root of pi and you might get the same thing...or cube the inverse of 125/3 and divide by 17...negative B plus or minus the square root of 4AC minus B squared all over 2A...then shade the graph to the side that makes it true...remember to use the dashed line and not the full one...then we must write the interval in, yes, interval notation, so we use the box and say that we touch -.6698 and positive infinity...but we can't really touch that so we have to use the logarythmic function with base 6.45 and X to the (X/8*3-7777) and then we can perhaps find what Y equals...pay attention now! it gets pretty complicated...

Sir Bean

Keep the lights burning
Keep the fire warm and bright
And keep the faith lit

I keep her, and you, in my prayers.

They Didn't Leave A Title

explanations of piety and unwillingness to come across in the wrong manner...hasn't the balance been fixed yet? the girl has no pity, but remorse aplenty, take our word for it, even when it sounds it, she doens't know what to say, is all. take a look for yourself, we've destroyed her, and we will never let her go. she fights, oh yes, she fights. she's had to to keep herself alive. but she cannot resist us, this urge. no pity, but guilt aplenty, enough to fill ten people completely. poor little girl, we don't care about her and she wants us to. pathetic in its simplicity and yet, we need her to stay this way, so we pretend to care. pretend to be there for her, when we are what she fears the most. just a kid...no, her thoughts come back in, they sound so young, becuase that's the age she'll always be...torment her with thoughts of the past and flashbacks...she wants them, though. the little girl has matured into a great masochist. we can do anything to her and she will not complain over much. just keep telling her how wrong she is, the girl won't fight it...won't fight...won't speak, say what you will...in this explanation we hold her truth and strength and weakness...and why she has scars across...like stars...like spears...like...silence...

Christmas Bells

all my tears, i dedicate to memory, memory of everything that we ever lost, everything that we could never have gained, all the pain and silence we suffered. all the good memories that are fading fast and we wish we could hold on to. all the bad memories that are clear as day. all the scarlet scratches and ruby drops that have followed angry words and pills that silence the voices for a short time. all the hope in the world to vanish the memories for just one day. may we all forget the past and future and live, for a brief instant, in a blissful present.

Why I should never write at 3 A.M.

5 Snatches of Snow

I.
Let the snow fall
This blanket is the healing we need
It refreshes us
Each flake caresses us
Oh! Let the snow fall

II.
Flurry falling
Flakes flying
Faster! Faster!
Floating forever

III.
Little crystals of death
White harbingers of doom
They will devour us all!
Don't listen to their sweet whispers
Don't think them beautiful!
They only wait to slay us all!

IV.
Hush now
Sleep
The morning
Will never
Come

V.
The sun rises on drifts of white
The little girl had crept out in the dark of night
Never to return

TAGGED?!?!?

welllll, i was tagged by Sir Bean...mean old monkey...

If you are tagged copy and paste this into your diary and answer *all* of the questions..Then tag 5 more people

PRIDE What do you brag the most about? - um...that i'm in band, though it's not really bragging, more of a warning really, cuz in band, we're all crazy...

ENVY What is one thing a friend has that you always wish you could have? - without a doubt, a brother

GLUTTONY What's one food you cant say no to? - meh, i hate food, i only eat to keep my strength up

LUST How did you learn to masturbate? - this i would prefer not to go into

ANGER What or who always makes you angry and why? - this varies, mostly actions by other people that are just...unfair in some way, stereotypes, racism, people who look down on others for some reason or another...

GREED Name one thing you don't need to live with but would freak out to give up. - nothing really comes to mind, but the thing i'd feel the loss of most is...i guess...the internet...well, not even that, toss up between my blog and chat

SLOTH What's one chore you hate to have to do around the house? - meh...sweep and mop all the floors...i really can't stand that and i have no reason why...other than i can't stand it of course

people to tag? idk, if you want to take it, take it, i don't have anyone really that i can tag...i mean, i could say Shade, but i doubt he'd actually do it...maybe Pepsi Lover!! yeah! and AG if she feels like it...heh, or if ya don't then do it anyways!



i think i just destroyed the fragile friendship i had with someone...maybe when i stop shaking i'll feel better...

[i see it coming]

WE ALL FALL DOWN

[it's coming for us]

IRRESPONSIBLE HOODLUMS

[they can't see what they're doing]

YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT

[they think this is right]

YOU AREN'T HEALTHY

[we are the creators]

LET US "HELP"

WE ARE THE CREATORS!

A Bit of Something/Nothing

been a while since i really posted about anything. here i am, at school, doing nothing...finals this week, and it's open campus and at the moment i have nothing better to do than post...sad, huh? jk, anyways...let's see if i can find anything interesting to post about...*ponders*

Unbeknownest to the shouting masses
In the heart of the grime and heat
Lies are spreading to the thoughts, the thoughts we hear
Do not speak in this shame
A rythm like a pounding heart
Beats through the head, the hands, the steel
Steal us all away into the memory
We are all forgotten in this moment of eternal pain
The heart is never something we had need of
How do we expect each other to sing...

sorry...that came out of no where...it's just been one of those months...all in favour of abolishing December, say aye. i swear, if this month gets any worse it'll be like...hell on earth...yes that did just rhyme, don't shoot the poet. well, i thought i had something to say, but i guess not...happy holidays and merry Christmas.

They're All Fools

Don't be foolish
When someone drips black
It shows through the soul
Pour out of the mouth, it comes
Stains will never fade, oh heart song
False eyes proclaim jubilance
While hidden on a shelf is a knife
Mist of orange, pray, cover the shame
Terrible secret, terrible lies
How could you be so foolish
Remove the covering darkness
No other words will wrap around
Tangle of scratches, poet
False protector! Who do you pretend
In one scarlet minute you fall
Easy enough when the pain comes
Hard enough when there might be hope
Do not stand in the road, Shadow
Time waits for no one
There are only two choices

CHOOSE

Not Face Value

Death to the righteous!
We all fail to stay silent
Mock me as you wish
Pathetic children!
I understand you too much
Your words TEAR ME APART
SO LONG I HAVE DIED
What is a true friend?
When everyone I know makes me die
And everyone makes me lie
Truth was overrated anyway
But MOCK ME you must
Because I offer myself for you
And your barbed arrows
STOP MAKING ME LIVE SHATTERED
I try to become better
And you STAND IN MY WAY
STOP IT
WE ALL FAIL TO STAY SILENT
DEATH TO THE RIGHTEOUS

Written towards Hayz


and before anyone flips out on me and goes psycho-fanatic, i mean death to the self-righteous. better then? good.

Rage against the pain
if this is light i want nothing of it
it's all over for me, it's all the same
falling into the darkness and embraces
ah, my chains, you have waited for me
ah, my fear, you have finally gone
consume me again, here is my heart
understand that this is not goodbye
this is merely the beginning, where i start over
and realize what i should have seen from the beginning
love is not real, it does not exist
i would have changed but that is no longer possible
all the tears are gone now, no feeling
ah, my echoes, you come to me again
so close and yet inside me all the same
ah, my destruction, my havoc, beauty in chaos
recover into what was safe before
please stay safe now, and forever remember
NO MORE

don't think worse of me for what has happened, Aodhan. i send you my luv

Caffeine High

never drink more than your weight of caffeine...you'll start shaking and you won't stop for about...idk, roughly seven hours?? meh, i can't even remember what i did friday and saturday other than that i went to blitz...worked out...and worked at KK. and i talked to Shade! that was the other thing i did. yeah, i probably scared him cuz i was making no sense whatsoever, what with me having less than three hours of sleep and seven cups of really strong coffee in my veins.

uummm....today was whacked...filming a civil war trailer for class. and i'm not on speaking terms with anyone in that class really, so i got stuck with a bunch of preps (nothing else i can call them, much as i hate labeling). it wasn't too bad...we had maiming, death, and spies, so it really wasn't too bad. i wanted to be a random dead soldier, but i got to work the camera mostly instead cuz the other girl couldn't do it and since we had a group of four total, with two having majour parts, i was the "unwanted goth child who, of course, showed up in all black and who doesn't have a permit." however, on the up side of that... i brought the music and battle scenes, and i didn't show up with a hangover...

Lo siento por el sufrimiento.
Lo siento. Lo siento.
No más vida. No más muerte.
No más. No más.
¿Un cuchillo? ¿Dónde?
Dámelo ahora
Ahora, ahora, por favor,
Y esta noche hay termina.

Anarchy Grounds

and we will miss you, even though we have never met you. out of the craziness of the web we three found each other; friends? perhaps we are, i hope we are. and you won't even read this, but here is my tribute to you. your words will live on with us, missed, we wish you well, we wish you hope. so much hope. peace. happiness. continue on and live well, i wish you true happiness.

goodbye, and may the stars always shine for you

Redefined

i think it's really funny how people look at me. i just happened to get into NHS (National Honour Society) and even the sponsor can't look me in the eye. gosh, am i their first pothic person? i mean, i'm not usually threatening and i do try to be civil to these people...iunno, maybe they're just not used to someone wearing all black having a GPA greater than 3.5 or somwat. *sigh* and i get the strangest looks in my other classes too, i mean, besides creative writing, i fit in there mostly. but i'm taking AP and honours classes, what is these people's problem with that?!? it's like i'm going to go ninja on them and slaughter people. hmph, geez, i didn't know that this bothered me so much. guess so. anyways...at least we have break this week.

happy almost-thanksgiving to ya americans.

Haiku

Have faith in the dark
Even when the stars don't shine
They light up the night.


*almost hugs everyone, restrains self but just barely* anyways...got a job! yay! money! at krispy kreme. free donuts! score! and a 50% discount! more score! and...um...right, so guess tis about it for now, but you can expect posts from me...*small smile* much hope and happy thanksgiving to all you americans out there

Finally A Real Post

well, alright, guess i better do a real post or something. soooo, last saturday P86 played here. and of course, i had to go, cuz, well, they're my favourite band. and i get there and the price has changed, from 12 dollars at the door to 15. ok, pay that and just get inside, muttering about the illogic of the human brain...*mutters more* anyways, there are about 4 other bands also playing. it was...um...Mourning September, Number One Gun, Spoken...and um...*goes and looks it up* The Fold! that was it! well, alright, so i didn't pay much attention to the other bands ('cept Spoken, cuz, well, iunno, i just did). i was up in the mosh pit playing 'human ball'. which was interesting, but i only fell over once...bruised my wrist and thumb...but it was worth it. so yeah...finally, after sitting through some bands that were alternative main stream stuff (not that they weren't good, mind you, but i like different things, and they weren't even close...so similar to every other band!!!! geez) but anyways...after Spoken got done, P86 got ready...*sigh* good times...they were intense...and i mean intense...only the hardcore fans were left at this time (about 11 pm i should think...we'd been standing for about...iunno...5 hours?) so pretty much every person knew the lyrics and we were screaming them back. yup, good times those. meh, after the concert my ears were ringing and they felt like i'd shoved cotton into them. and i was dripping sweat, complelty soaked, and shivering. still good times. i kinda passed out in the car on the way home though, kinda tired...and a bit stressed from being packed into a confined space with so many people touching me *shudders* but...i kinda liked it...for the odd reason that i fit in. i wasn't the only person there in all black...with hobo gloves...screaming up into the face of the most intense singer ever (and before people start screaming at me...the most intense singer i'd ever seen, better? geeeez, relax). i wasn't kicked out, made fun of, given dirty looks. i belonged there. it was...pretty cool. not the kind of thing you really expect to find in a mosh pit...but anyways...

yeah, so after that and after i passed out in the car, i come to realize that i have bruises covering my entire body. ah, well, i still have them and they hurt, but it's good. (they've turned a nice shade of yellow and purple, quite lovely) <--that's a joke, btw

much hope friends and foes, much hope

Mosh Pit and Shooting Star

well, i don't feel like doing a real post...so here's something to let you know i'm still out here...i'll get around to talking about the P86 concert i went to (heandbanging the whole way!!!) and the marching contest my band went to (like...concert band). well...guess that's it for now...keep the hope

Grieving For the Innocent

do you even know what you are playing with? what fires lurk inside those gates, waiting to swallow you and drown your desperate cries? do you even understand one thing about the game you have chosen to play? do you know the rules? do you know what happens if THEY come for you? the demons with their soulless eyes are watching you dance closer and closer to the all-consuming darkness. and they want you. they want eveyone. if i could tell you what i saw the last time i was in there, if you could even understand the scars left on my spirit from that one encounter, you might turn away from your foolishness. the demons are waiting to be invited back in to the land of the dead, and will you be the ones to hold open the door and welcome them? will you allow the evilness to return so close to where you must sleep, eat, live? can't you even see what they want from you? they will choke you with their chains, lead you around as though you are an animal, break you of all your innocence. the innocence that eveyone so highly prizes in people of your age. i beg of you, all of you, do not continue with your plans! do not follow through with this foolishness! if you can even hear me at all, give me a minute of your time and take my words inside you! THEY will come. those that have the black eyes and voiceless promises of everything you have ever desired, but the road to their 'paradise' is paved with chains and barbed wire. the grasses are dead, the trees but skeletons against the stormy sky. oh, please, listen to me! do not leave my cries echoing into the silent void you have left behind! more than ever i wish that you would listen to me. that you would see what i mean! none of you know what you are doing! fight the thrill of darkness and come back to what you had before. come back to us, do not leave your souls resting in the land of the dead, your bodies but an empty husk. please, please, do not...

*for annie, tracey, and alex*

Two Extremes

alright, i want everyone's opinion about this. why do people cry from both joy and pain? i have my own theory, which i'll share after everyone has said something. say whatever you like, i really am curious.

*****alright, before i state what i think, i thank everyone for your perspectives, they were all quite interesting and helpful. *grins* yes, even shade's.

ok, here it is (credit goes to Sm0kstr for the ideas and making me think about this) i'm putting the conversation on here that i had:

Sm0kstr: why do both pain and joy in great amounts produce the same thing?
ShadowL0R: joy because it is foreign to humans, so much light that there has to be some response
Sm0kstr: but why the same reaction as pain?
Sm0kstr: why not laughter?
Sm0kstr: or something unique to joy?
ShadowL0R: two extremes of tears...one is beautiful because it's like rain...it heals the land and cleanses it and makes it lovely
ShadowL0R: the other like rain, for in great force it destroys, kills, drowns

and that's what i think. don't even ask why we were talking about this, i don't really know either.

ensueños de sangre, esperanzas de muerte

Shredded Wrists...

ah, back for now, not sure for how long...i'll update when i can but as of now, this blog is...uh...contraband or whatever you wanna call it. my stepdad walked out on us again...so...yeah...i was going to kill myself tonight, but suddenly i find that i have to take care of a younger child. she's only 13...i can't leave her by herself...no matter how much i want to just make it end...that story...uh...the two deleted comments on the post awhile ago....those were the link and disclaimer for my story...i was forced to delete them...and that's also why my blog no longer comes up in my profile...*ahem* yes, i found that option...but anyways...i was experimenting this morning with a plastic knife and my wrist...i've never cut my wrist before...probably one of the only things i haven't done...too noticable...but i have gloves (ya know, no fingers in them) that i can wear that cover it and i wear them all the time now, so...yeah...just adding to the pain i guess...i'll be putting links on here now...though maybe not to the same story...yes, i can still feel guilt, despite popular opinion, and that story...well...let's just say that if anyone at school found that and figured out it was mine...well...i'd be institutionalized...and that's...aww, you guys know what that would be like...*sigh* well...i guess that's it for now...i'll try to do more later...