Unbroken

"Windswept willpower,"
She said.

I listened too long at the door, I would never be able to knock now. Does she know I'm out here? Will she let me in?

Do I want her to?

My hands are shaking cold, frozen husks empty of the power they used to contain. I dropped my pen on the ground when I ran. I dropped the pages and watched them fly away.

I can hear her moving towards me and I wish I could run again.

"Hello, Shadow,"
She said.

Mistress, I've been here waiting, I've been here, I swear. Please, I'm sorry, please may I come in?

I can taste her hand against my face, her fingers, her eyes, I am sinking to the ground so that I may touch her feet, please, let me just touch the hem of her dress, just once.

"It's been a long time,"
She said.

I know, Mistress, I'm sorry, I've been so lost, so lost in the woods, I couldn't figure out what to do, where to go-

"You ran from me,"
She said.

Mistress, please, forgive me, I was confused but...

"Beg for me,"
She said.

"You heartless bitch, I hope you choke, I hope you fall into the depths of the ocean, I hope you are carried away in the darkness and never return,"
I said.

She has the most beautiful laugh, I can feel it through me, I can feel it crawling across my skin, I can feel it within. I bow my head, I bow before her, my knees frozen to the ground.

"You are always thirsting for it, my Shadow, do let me know if you would like to come in,"
She said
As she shut the door.

Saber

(Don't you take it for granted
I WANT IT MORE THAN ANYTHING)

I wish I could have been there for you
I wish I could have parted the veil

You're not broken
You're just lost

And I hope that you can find your way

Ex Igne Veritas

Silence behind the storm
Before the day turns back to salvation

Let it burn out bright

Cocoon

I am the singular silent
Forsaken
Following the one true sound of
Shattering windows
Breaking habits of time ticking outside
Continuous
Freezing breezes folded below wings
To hold our hands out begging
But not for the song of
Sanity

I am the handbag
I am the toy box
I am the vase

Giving in to an impenetrable filling up
To shout at the entire world

Am I not enough?

Sheut

The one who follows never
Lives

The one who swallows never
Gives

The one who wants it never
Strays

The one who haunts it never
Prays



i am the stepping stone between this world

and 

your last breath

Silent

and I just want that sweet kiss again

to let go my control and fall

into the silent haven where i can

bleed out it all

~

History of silken thread upon a
Hornet's nest

I am the book of the damned and
You
Held out against the scythe
Greedily
Clinging to the last vestiges of what
I am

She said into the written word.

Some scarlet cry of parasites will
Only pull back the tide for
So long

Darling

Note

Don't you take it for granted

Don't you forget where you came from
Where you're going
What you have

Don't you stop running for even a minute
Not a second
Not a breath
Not even for a single thought

Don't you stop

Don't you stop



DON'T YOU STOP FOR ONE SECOND

Demons

I am the forgotten
Left behind

Washed up

I am the protector
The forsaken
The sacrifice

For the voices you don't have the

Will

To silence all by yourself

This sacrifice dedicated to you
By one swift stroke
In drunken fury
Down a pale branch

You are the child

And I will tuck you in at night

Chasing the monsters from the closet because
You can't

I wanted to fall into the deep
With stars spinning above
But you

You pulled me between the rock
And the desert

Demanding that I be your co-dependent
Clingy

BANDAGE

Explanations

Because I can't explain it if you can't see it now.

I wish I could hold your head in my hands and blow a breath
Of secrets
Into your soul
So you could see the way I see
And why I see it

I can't hand you the answer key when I only know
From fantasy

But it's the trust and the commitment and the soft
Gentleness inside,
The way I wake up and want to touch the
Promise
Around my neck

But you're looking at a shattered caricature of what this is
And I don't think I can fix it.

If you can't taste the freedom and relief from stress,
The not having to worry about what comes next,
The way the moonlight shivers down the flesh,
The hearts beating, caged, inside the breast-

I can't give you the gift of knowledge,
The eyes to see beyond the cover and into the depths

And I'm sorry that I can't explain what I want
What I need
What I have to have

But I passed the point you're at and found that,
Deep below,
It's the most beautiful thing
In
The world

Without

I will never hold you against my skin
With hands reaching

You've lost the brilliance I remember in sordid dreams
Dreamt in darkness
Dreamt in sorrow

I am the one left standing above the world without voice

I have not because I ask not
Because I need not
Because I
am
not

It's drizzle on the rooftops

I am alone

┌¤┘

Unholy addiction
Salvation
Imitation
Silken silent shuddering
Blissful creation
(Like moth to destruction
Inhaling exhaustion
Accept the infection
Relentless reflection)
Mechanical moving parts
Under suspension

Of Gods and Goddesses

But it's this burning ember within,
Taunting me with what might have been.
And I, a fool perhaps,
Look down a path that I can never walk again.

I will always regret that it wasn't him.

But I won't be the rock in the stream,
A longing reach for something from a dream,
Merely wearing down with time
Until there's nothing left of me.

I won't wait blindly.

But I sketch charcoal portraits of wishes unfulfilled
And hang them on walls of guilt,
A poignant reminder:
I would be waiting still.

I can't hold my breath forever.

I can live with the regrets,
And I will learn to do so yet again,
I am a fool, you see,
Hurting for what might have been.

_-*

I'm fine

Why would I lie?

I'm the one left awake at night

And you know I'm alone
All the time

If I had a metal promise in
My hands
I could reach the sky

I COULD GO OVER THE STARS TONIGHT

And there wouldn't be any more alibis

Or choking on
Words
Because there's just not ENOUGH of them
To fill the void

And I have tasted the metal promise on my tongue

And I have held the edge against a vein

And then I simply walked away
Back into the wretched day

But I am holding onto the noise in my head this time

So the static doesn't fade
And why would I lie?

I'm fine

Metus

Inter spem et metum
I am trapped
Waiting,
Wishing.
"I am the fallen," and
"I am the fissure," and
"Inter spem et metum,
I have found redemption."
And without words
We spoke together
Into the night.
Inter spem et metum
I am caught
Desiring
Caught dreaming
(Between hope and fear
I am choosing)

Remembrance

Fear
Unending,
I try to shield my face
From
What I know will come.
I'm
Pleading
"Don't do it,
Don't hit me again."
But I know it's
Coming,
I know it's coming.
Do I deserve this?

Night Lights

I.
And we, by candlelight,
By a moon unseen,
Breathed in an ocean of doubts
And exhaled simple lines.

II.
"Tonight," she said,
"I have chosen."

III.
Tibi sum, domine.

IV.
Waiting in the wings a
Voice
Crying out for an encore,
An encore!

V.
"Once spoken it is true,"
She said.
"I have promises to keep
And miles to go,"
She said,
"Miles to go before I begin to dream."

VI.
By candlelight and a moon
Hinted at only in a swallow of
Light

VII.
I have written,
Written,
Will write
A million truths to you
Before the next
Sunrise

VIII.
Tibi sum, domine,
Te amo

Maranatha

I liken you to a star
                in the night sky
    Diamonds spread on velvet sheets.
Your eyes are the wind
       And my soul the reeds,
  Bending before your call.
             You are my waterfall
I go over the edge of the world
      Finding peace beneath your crystalline waves.
My lungs burn to let you in.

       I am swallowing the sky tonight

In Circles

Did we all start as angels?
I remember the falling from heaven,
The landing;
Who are you?
They say that if you don't take the chance
It will never come by again
And I?
I believe it.
You still have such beautiful wings
Even here on earth.
I wish you could hear my song,
My singing,
The whispers just below the surface.
I have said I am an abomination
And you?
You have yet to see it.
How can a demon promise an angel light?
Deceitful harlot,
I say,
Deceitful witch.
I will make you see me for who I am
And then?
Every word we've said is subject to change.
I would never hold you to me,
I would never wrap you in chains.
I would never make you like me.
You are always free to fly away
On the wings of
An angel.

Never

You rolled me under the waves
And I,
The unbending,
Caved
Before something warm and
Safe.
My guilt is a knife wound,
An icicle overhang.
My weakness will cause pain
And anguish
And I will be alone again
Because I never showed you
How deep
And dark
(And broken)
My rabbit hole goes.
(I wonder how long it will take)
I'm afraid
And I'm sorry
And I'm selfish
Because I want to,
Just for a little while,
Be held by someone who doesn't look at
A monster,
A child,
A sinner,
(A shattered soul)
Just for as long as it takes
Let me not be alone.