I just want it to end
I know that I'm a horrible person and
I'm sorry for that.
I'm scared to die but
I'm sick of living a lie
And hiding all the pain inside
I never promised that I would live
I just said I'd try
And I really did.
People say suicide is selfish;
Perhaps it is if someone would miss me
But no one would.
I wanted help, but no one listened
Now I just want it all to end.
Help me
or
Let
Me
Die!
i want to kill myself. i want to die in the most painful and bloody way possible. i want to finally let everyone know that i'm not the quiet one who keeps to themselves. that i would destroy everything if i had the chance. that if i could get the courage to kill myself, i wouldn't waste any time doing it. i almost did today. almost. i wish i had. i'm sick of living with this pain and i want it to end. the part that gets me is that i don't really wish my body any harm. it's more the fact that i just want to feel the death creeping in on me. i want to know that i'm destroying myself. but i can't destroy this body because where would the voices go then? they don't want me to die, but one of them sure wants my blood. all the time sometimes. mostly when i'm at school. where, of course, there's nothing i can do to act on that, unless i can get a knife and get it into the bathroom and end things there. but, and this may seem irrational, i don't want to die anywhere that someone could find my body and have their life ruined by it. i mean, just because i'm all fucked up doesn't mean that other people deserve the same thing. i guess that's the reason i'm still living (and i haven't beaten halo on legendary yet, yes that is something that i'm living for). but i want to die. i hate myself. i fucking hate myself. and there's no one that i can talk to about it without screwing their life up too. people have their own problems, they don't need to hear mine. (this is the exeption, my OD is just poetry pretty much, this is where i can say stuff like this) guess that's it. i hate myself. i reasearched the battery thing more and it says that small batteries like watch batteries and hearing aid batteries won't kill you. (there's a whole page dedicated to this topic, quite interesting actually) now i'm just wondering...russian roulette. there's a 50/50 chance that the battery would burst inside me and burn me with the acid. i want it. i've hit myself, cut myself, done stupid things to hurt myself, but i've never swallowed a battery before. i think i know where one is too. now i just want to know when the acid might hit me. i'd prefer the middle of the night when no one would notice and drag me to the hospital. 50/50 is pretty good. i like it, the fear that it might burst and might not. it's funny, in a way, i like to control things about myself, but i'd rather leave this to chance. and hope that it bursts.
Posts
6 comments:
and no, if anyone noticed, i do not usually put the same poem on my OD and here...course, no one noticed. well, i decided to say it anyway. and who will stop me?? MUAHAHAHA...HA
That is how I feel every waking moment of my life. But y'know, I can't reall think like that anymore, because I have a commitment. It happens to all of us (as in fucked up people) but some of us can't hold out. Had I known I was supposed to cut vertically....I wouldn't be typing this message.
Go on Benjamin Franklin Gates to read maybe the final article on http://nappyegg.blogspot.com/
YOU! I swear to GOD Courtney if you do that. I will bring you back to life and kill you again. I DON'T CARE THAT YOU HAVE PROBLEMS! Everyone has problems. I HAVE PROBLEMS! You ALWAYS can come to me if you need ANYTHING, and you should know that. It's makeing me cry knowing that you hate yourself so much that you would do something like that. I don't know what to do. More then anything I want to help you. ANYTHING. Your my only friend (Yes, of course there's Tracey, but she's not the same as you!) I don't know what in hell I would do without you. So if you EVER feel like killing yourself. I want you to call me. Please? I know you don't like calling people or something, or you might cry, and you hate crying in front of people. But it's just me, My view's will never change on how I view you. Never. Please come to me if you need to talk, please? I've lost alot of people in my life, and I don't know if I could bear to loose another. *Hugs* I'll always be here for you, I love you! I better see you at school tomarrow..
Stop as in die or the hating and such?
ay dude...um i gess i know wot ur goin through i was pritty fucked up for about six months of my life to the point where my mum and psychiatrist put me in an institution and i wos there for like a week before i was alowed to go and they wanted to keep me their for another two weeks but i think that my visit to the hospital really helped ...u should for starters try geting help...at school at the counselors office or maybe talkin to ur perents or something but the longer u leave ur saddness alone with out getin help the worse it can get...u can talk to me if ya wont by addin me to msn if ya eva wont someone that understands and went through the same shit and is still havin alot of problems now then come talk to me at dans_band_tomfoolary@hotmail.com k goodluck dude
Post a Comment