Distortion

perhaps i have been seeing everything through a shade of black. but i don't feel like it's a box. i see a hole that i cannot avoid. that always manages to drag me down and back into the everlasting night. and that may sound a little poetic (so sue me, i'm a poet) but it really describes it for me. sometimes i'm so afraid that i'll never get back...and i so much want to be in the light. but i can't seem to keep from going there. something always happens to get me down. but recently i've been okay. right up until now. something happened between two of my friends. one (whom i shall call Trista) has given a valiant effort to be nice to my other friend (whom i shall call Allisen). but "Allisen" hsn't even tried to be civil. she even hurt "Trista" physically, sure she said she was sorry, but she wasn't really and that was obvious. the obvious answer is to ditch "Allisen" and all that. too bad that i can't convince my mind to do that. the problem is, "Allisen" has been my friend for almost three years now. and "Trista" has been my friend for like, six months? and to make the problem even more interesting, i feel exceptionally closer to "Trista" than to "Allisen." i mean, "Allisen" has never actually been there for me, never actually understood me or anything. but "Trista" has. well, i guess there's my answer.

Such a failure
Is it really my consience
Or my own follish desire?
I can't even talk in a group
Or just let myself go
Because these questions pound
Through my head
And make me wish I was dead.
I can't sort out what's right
I know what she did
How she isn't sorry like she said.
And I know my loyalty will be
The downfall of me
And someday I'll regret this yet...
But how can I let her do that
To someone I consider a friend?
How could I face myself
After this all ends
If I stuck by what's wrong?
But the options are both bleak
And I'm scared to choose
Because what if I make the wrong decision
And we all lose?